Good intentions

I was about to title this post "Stream of consciousness", but I realize I've already used that in a two-year-old post. Ever easily distracted, I read through it, and it amuses me that some things never quite change.

I'm finding it hard to accept criticism, and that's a fault I need to fix. It's a qualified sort of statement, actually, as there are just a few buttons I don't like being pushed. Push them even half-jokingly, and I'll feel bad. It's not a conscious thing; it just happens. Anyway, it's no big deal, really, but expect me to be "off" for a while.

I remember my high school academic archnemesis Steph (and secretly one of my favorite persons all in the platonic space) saying I'm fun to annoy, you just need to know which buttons to push. Haha touché. It's true, I think. Some buttons you can push over and over again, and I wouldn't mind at all. Lol you can call me PFY (thanks or no thanks to you Clint ex-birthday boy), and I wouldn't care so much. Oh, what irks me is if you accuse me of something I sincerely know in my heart is untrue (bias notwithstanding). That will set me off.

What's the difference between 22 and 20? Joseph v.2006 and Joseph v.2008? Same same but different. But same same. Kulit.

What I think the current Joseph v.2008 has figured out (or is finally aware of, thank heavens), is that he's more a critic-er (i.e. critic) than critic-ee. That's not a very good thing, but I guess it shows, I think I'm a better editor than a writer. I'm working on the receiving end bit.

Hmm then again, aren't we all? For all of us, I think it's so much easier to fault others than admit to our own faults. Haha Joseph, remember two things: You are special; you are not special.


* * *

The thing about being critical, is that I apply it across the board. If I'm critical of others, oh you can imagine how critical I am of myself. When it gets too much, I quote my Be-Good-to-Self policy, and it's fine again.

* * *

I've been itching to blog every day since last week, but whoa was it one long week at the office! For starters, Ferron's prophecy came true, finally, that in the course of my stay at the Deep Blue Sea, I'd go home at 10:30pm. We were preparing this report as a team, and just had to finish that section, so we all left at 10:20pm. At least there was free dinner, and I had my Benz taxi ride home reimbursed.

Finally yesterday we submitted a good draft of our report, and it's bound to cause some stir. I'm half-fearful and half-praying the numbers I crunched are correct, the online system which I cross-checked and helped develop, churned out the right numbers, as the worst thing would be for the affected parties to dispute the numbers-based claims in the report, and it would point to me.

But nah, my M-O boss and my Hairy Monster boss are particularly careful, especially in a report that's quite a loaded gun.

* * *

The report got me thinking about three things: good intentions, integrity, and the CYA principle. I feel utmost sympathy for people who do things with the best and purest of intentions, but unfortunately that can only lead so far. And sometimes we just have to make the tough call of policing, as part of keeping integrity. And the CYA, i.e. Cover-Your-Ass principle, is all-encompassing: for the do-gooders, for the do-badders, for the good-intentioned do-badders, even for the police.

Of the three things, if I had to choose one, I'd choose good intentions. It may get me in trouble, or at least I'd rub people the wrong way thanks to my poor judgment or my lack of tact or the fact that I'm slightly overcritical, or maybe it won't cause me trouble at all, but that's how the Joseph I know currently thinks. My image as Resident Evil may counter this point, and, well, I can't refute that. Haha.

And yes, I'm aware that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, as they say. See you there, suckers. (I just had to say that.)

* * *

Further proof that Joseph v.2008 is essentially same as Joseph v.2006 or heck, Joseph v.1986: I still delight in my simple things. Haha, like cheese, mango, and bacon. Like small smile, small talk, old friends. Like unexpected favorite song playing on radio or mp3 player. Like boss-given free Starbucks mocha frap and self-paid $10 bacon melt sandwich. Haha. But my real point is this, below. I opened the file one morning and it made me smile. Haha.

Yes, consistent with my grade school and high school image, fine I'm still a geek. Haha.

Mmmm Saturday! Long day today, let's go.

Early edition

5:08AM. Strangely enough, I find early mornings good times to blog. I woke up at 3:30AM, and after a round of Facebooking and YouTubing, I still don't feel like sleeping, so I might as well.. Can't say I'm not sleepy though. ('Sleepy' != 'feel like sleeping' I think)

Hmmm makes me wonder if I'm really that anxious that my VP (aka my boss of sorts) is coming back today after his two-week reservist training (something Singaporean men have to do yearly I think), and I haven't completed the self-imposed stuff I planned to clear. 'Self-imposed' is the operative word. Jose you look for trouble when there isn't any. Haha can't think now who the first person to tell me that was. 

Anyway my colleagues playfully messed around with my VP's desk on Friday in preparation for his return today -- hid his water jug, dumped jars of pineapple tarts and other sweets on his desk, opened some of his investment books and placed it on his chair, under his opened umbrella, etc -- so I can't wait to see his reaction when he arrives later. 

See the veep is this perfectionist guy who likes everything nice and tidy and perfect. That is of course, when he's not playing cheeky or joking around. He's quite the OC type, such that in the height of the movie Wall-E, he was branded the 'foreign contaminant robot' (what's his name again? Wiki says it's M-O, for Microbe Obliterator -- thanks!). M-O is this maintenance robot that compulsively cleans out any filth in its path, and is annoyed by the impossibly dirty Wall-E. My veep is super cool la, I like. 

Oh, and they call me Wall-E in the office -- not cos I'm filthy of course -- but because I eat anything they give me, especially the unconsumables ("if nobody else wants, i'll just throw cos i'm full already" kind) from lunch. My boss says his KPI is to fatten me up and double my size, and I've been doing my best to help him achieve that.:)  So all the extra mooncakes and potato chips and Oreo cookies and ultra creamy apple pie(!) that nobody could consume all go to me. Waste not right? It helps too that I'm the sort who would eat anything on a dare, and have no qualms eating new food like fish eye (vitreous part and all) and Starbucks chai tea, just for the heck of it. Haha.

Anyway M-O and Wall-E have an interesting dynamic in the movie, hopefully the photo below won't be happening in any form later today!

Haha I love it how M-O's eyes are like slits like my VP's. Chinese Singaporean lah. 

* * * 

In other news, my ingrown nail is still alive and well, and continuing to torture me every day. Less and less over the weeks though, but it's still there, bleeding and pussing (new word anyone?). Why I don't go for surgery I'm not sure actually, when I could charge it to the Deep Blue Sea anyway, but I'm guessing I'm still in denial. I think I'm perfectly fine -- so what's the point in surgery right? I thought it was a cool thing for my Dad to not opt for surgery when he had his ingrown nail before, cos he has a thing for blood, but when I heard he had to bear with it for a year(!), suddenly I had second thoughts about what to do with mine. One of my housemates Ferron thinks I enjoy the pain, which may be partly true. (no surprise there, right?) ;P My pharmacist friend Huixian scolds me everytime I tell her I still haven't gone to the doctor, and almost everyone else thinks I should go too.

But hey, I went for clubbing with my ingrown nail okay -- twice! That either means I have a high tolerance for pain, or I'm just plain stupid. Or both. Haha though I highly suspect it's just my thing with alcohol (aka the joy that alcohol brings), and my belief in clubbing therapy. 

In any case, to calm my friends and family, ingrown nail is under control. I'm limping less now. Haha.

* * *

I've been willing myself to get into the groove of this 'time for a fresh start' thing, but procrastination (or busyness, or laziness, or some other variant) always gets the better of me. Whatever I mean by 'fresh start' I'm not sure myself, but it's a good thing. I thought September was the month, but now maybe October is. Actually I thought graduation was it. Haha. Anyway I'd like to think I'm changing for the better every day. (I think the housemates are gonna laugh when they read this -- they call me Resident Evil. Lol) So, really, this starting afresh thing I've put in place and activated a long time ago and is currently doing perfectly fine. 

* * *

Some shout-outs. It was nice meeting you again, Ms Abercrombie & Fitch, over lunch at the airport on Saturday! Wow it's been a while and woohooo didn't that feel like The Amazing Race running to the to catch your connecting flight? I could hear the AR theme in my head, really. To DJ Gomez, hope you had a good overnight stay here in SG? Haha I apologise for the dead phone thing, and the fact that we just played DotA on the Saturday night you were here, but that's what you wanted too right? Hehe you even suggested it! :) Oh and I'm happy for you and your your girl(y). Haha! To Devil Jin the new forensics guy, thanks for choping the free drinks and inviting us to Zouk last Friday. Shiok! And to True Friend Rockman, thanks in advance for the more free drinks on Saturday! Haha.

* * *

You know it's late early morning already (i.e. past six am), when the uncles and aunties, in their jogging pants and rubber shoes, appear on the court downstairs for their daily tai-chi sessions. Maybe I'll stalk them from my fifth-floor window and join them for their morning exercise? Erm, maybe not, though I must say it's admirable what they're doing. 

Mmmm good morning Singapore. Wall-E's off to nap. 6:34AM!