I can't help but smile my silly smile when I realise it's the end of August already. What a ride it was, huh, Mr Joe. And you're alive and well and survived the madness of this wave, before jumping onto the next. Well done.
A lot of things in my head now, again, and that's all good. I'm quite physically and mentally tired, really, but surprisingly, I've discovered some sort of zen about all this madness, and I'm actually quite at peace. The attitude isn't quite the what-the-hell-is-all-this-for, this-is-too-tedious-and-frustrating attitude I expected, but more of -- OK, this is where we are now, what do we do to clear this task, does it involve a lot of work, yes, OK, then let's do it. Probably because I psyched myself that this is all going to be tough, especially when work doubled beginning January, and so this is no surprise. Reinforcements are on the way, so it will definitely ease out sometime soon. Got myself entangled in a bit of "friendly" politics too, but let's leave it at that. It's a story of acceptance, I think. Acceptance with a tinge of resignation, and hope for upcoming change. Acceptance and Joseph, what can I say. Once upon a time strange bedfellows. But I digress.
Joseph being Joseph, I can't quite help but feel contemplative every time I'm stressed like this (I remember my honours year thesis and the gruelling process it entailed). Questions swirl in my head randomly: Is it because you're sloppy that you're working so late? Maybe you're just inefficient? Do you deserve this, do you deserve better? Sometimes I surprise myself by having the audacity to voice out what I'm convinced is correct, even if this means disturbing the peace and upsetting the boss a little. Actually, I suspect I have balls of steel. Balls of steel, man. Haha. Then again maybe I'm just stubborn. Or I have a fantastic boss (which is true) who gives me leeway to be vocal when I want to.
And then there's the value thing. Long story, but in a nutshell, it's one of those Joseph things. I value a lot of things, and I show it (I hope). Also (and not because of the previous sentence), I want to be valued -- if you don't, then that's cool, nothing against you. But if you do, I want you to show it, however very slightly perceptible, so I can see. This entry is mostly about work, but this just now applies to everything else.
I just want to be better. Better organised, more systematic, more thorough, more professional, more sincere, just better. Something like an upgraded Joe. But that's a long and difficult path, and I've had too many false starts to be taken seriously. I'd like to think I'm doing this for myself. But if the colleagues notice, if the people who matter and who I value notice, if The One (whoever you are) notices, that would be nice too.
Mmm the end of the month. Partly why I like it is because it gives me a reason to start again, false starts notwithstanding.
Random spurts
Mmm I think a massage. Something to relax me and get this sensation of sorts, of my back, off my head, off my chest. It's nothing much, but I'm itching to.. do something. What it is I do not know exactly, so maybe I'm just blogging after two months of inactivity. See if it does the trick.
Wah so many things on my mind right now. So lemme just fire away randomly and see how much base I'd cover.
I came back last night from Hong Kong! Cool place, my first time there. Sorry parents I wasn't able to say hello and tell you how I was... for some reason I couldn't SMS after sending out a few messages. But woot HK is good stuff. Even if I was mostly in the hotel and in the office and surrounding areas, it was very charming la. Not as clean as Singapore, but the apartments are towering, the cars are fancier, the people are cute, and although I can't speak a word of Cantonese, I think I'd like to brave it on my own over there and see how it goes.:) Glad my boss was with me though, so I didn't get lost. Learned a lot of things over beer too. Haha. And woot five-star hotel room to myself, and many big soft pillows and bathtub and buffet breakfast. I could get used to that, though I'll never go to one of those if I were using my own $.
I happen to like being in airplanes a lot. Makes me think of things. Like what the hell I'm doing with my life, like where I'm actually going, am I really too young (my HK colleague was stunned when I told him over sumptious Chinese lunch that I'm only 23 -- they're all in their late twenties) or am I getting old, when will I shake off this 'little boy' feeling in the team and act mature and professional so people take me more seriously? While up in the air I tend to think of big-picture stuff -- must be because of the zoomed-out-ness of the view from the airplane window. Something along the cheesiness of what the story of my life is, is this how I planned it to be, have I been a good person, why I'm happy, why I'm unhappy, what I can do about things, am I even moving in the right direction. That sort of stuff. And the stuff that's just stuck in my head la -- like my subconscious obsession with work and wanting to do a good job, and people and things that uncontrollably keep popping up in my mind. Or I think of the TV show Lost, and how anytime the plane could crash and I'd be in the middle of nowhere and no one would find me.
And then before I get zoned out it would then be time for my airline food from the flight attendants, and my extra beer or extra wine.
Oh I watched Kate Winslet's The Reader on the flight to Hong Kong too. I was sitting in the middle seat between two businessman-looking guys and I couldn't help but feel incredibly awkward during the nude scenes (reminiscent of Titanic, anyone?) and love scenes of Kate's character and the 15-year-old boy. Almost like pedophilia I think. Shudder. I hope my two seatmates didn't think I was a pervert. Then again it was an Oscar-nominated film, and gave Kate her best actress win.
The Reader. Well done. Depressed me just the way I like it. Last time I saw a movie on the plane it was Million Dollar Baby. Heart-wrenching drama movies for the pretentious side of me who thinks I'm qualified to dissect films after dabbling in a few film modules in NUS.
After whirlwind HK trip I'm back here in Singapore to do my work and sing in choir and prepare for trip to China with the choir on Sunday. (Less than two weeks after I arrive it's off to Phuket) Woot I never was the frequent traveler kind so this is unusual territory to me. It's tiring but refreshing and educational and leisurely too.
NUS Choir. I keep coming back to you huh. I'm getting into the choir spirit again. Maybe it's because everything is falling into place for the five songs we're singing for the choir competition in Hangzhou, I'm sort of connecting with the new faces in the choir, and I don't know, it's the music lah, thank God for the music, the songs I'm singing, what would life be, without a song, or a dance what are we? Yeah something like that. And Michelle and Peimin that Pooka video was very sweet of you. Made me feel warm and fuzzy about the choir thing again.
OK la, since I'm blabbering some random shout-outs. You, I miss you. You, whew, I think, for my sake, please get out of my head (I'm tired of overthinking). Or give me a sign. You, thanks for looking after me. You, I really hate to lie to you, but sigh, I like to think I don't have much choice. You, I wish I could keep in touch more. You, I wish you'd snap out of it. You, I think you should think of people other than yourself. You, don't change, I like you just the way you are.
And as for you, Mr Joe, go to bed. Don't re-read and proofread and tidy up this entry. Loong last day at work tomorrow before your two-week block leave. And the audit guys are coming, and your ass is sort of on the line. Wooooo scary. But don't worry, believe you've covered your ass well enough and that you're sort of invincible. Believe in yourself la you.
You're okay. You just have to wait for your turn. Whatever that means.
Wah so many things on my mind right now. So lemme just fire away randomly and see how much base I'd cover.
I came back last night from Hong Kong! Cool place, my first time there. Sorry parents I wasn't able to say hello and tell you how I was... for some reason I couldn't SMS after sending out a few messages. But woot HK is good stuff. Even if I was mostly in the hotel and in the office and surrounding areas, it was very charming la. Not as clean as Singapore, but the apartments are towering, the cars are fancier, the people are cute, and although I can't speak a word of Cantonese, I think I'd like to brave it on my own over there and see how it goes.:) Glad my boss was with me though, so I didn't get lost. Learned a lot of things over beer too. Haha. And woot five-star hotel room to myself, and many big soft pillows and bathtub and buffet breakfast. I could get used to that, though I'll never go to one of those if I were using my own $.
I happen to like being in airplanes a lot. Makes me think of things. Like what the hell I'm doing with my life, like where I'm actually going, am I really too young (my HK colleague was stunned when I told him over sumptious Chinese lunch that I'm only 23 -- they're all in their late twenties) or am I getting old, when will I shake off this 'little boy' feeling in the team and act mature and professional so people take me more seriously? While up in the air I tend to think of big-picture stuff -- must be because of the zoomed-out-ness of the view from the airplane window. Something along the cheesiness of what the story of my life is, is this how I planned it to be, have I been a good person, why I'm happy, why I'm unhappy, what I can do about things, am I even moving in the right direction. That sort of stuff. And the stuff that's just stuck in my head la -- like my subconscious obsession with work and wanting to do a good job, and people and things that uncontrollably keep popping up in my mind. Or I think of the TV show Lost, and how anytime the plane could crash and I'd be in the middle of nowhere and no one would find me.
And then before I get zoned out it would then be time for my airline food from the flight attendants, and my extra beer or extra wine.
Oh I watched Kate Winslet's The Reader on the flight to Hong Kong too. I was sitting in the middle seat between two businessman-looking guys and I couldn't help but feel incredibly awkward during the nude scenes (reminiscent of Titanic, anyone?) and love scenes of Kate's character and the 15-year-old boy. Almost like pedophilia I think. Shudder. I hope my two seatmates didn't think I was a pervert. Then again it was an Oscar-nominated film, and gave Kate her best actress win.
The Reader. Well done. Depressed me just the way I like it. Last time I saw a movie on the plane it was Million Dollar Baby. Heart-wrenching drama movies for the pretentious side of me who thinks I'm qualified to dissect films after dabbling in a few film modules in NUS.
After whirlwind HK trip I'm back here in Singapore to do my work and sing in choir and prepare for trip to China with the choir on Sunday. (Less than two weeks after I arrive it's off to Phuket) Woot I never was the frequent traveler kind so this is unusual territory to me. It's tiring but refreshing and educational and leisurely too.
NUS Choir. I keep coming back to you huh. I'm getting into the choir spirit again. Maybe it's because everything is falling into place for the five songs we're singing for the choir competition in Hangzhou, I'm sort of connecting with the new faces in the choir, and I don't know, it's the music lah, thank God for the music, the songs I'm singing, what would life be, without a song, or a dance what are we? Yeah something like that. And Michelle and Peimin that Pooka video was very sweet of you. Made me feel warm and fuzzy about the choir thing again.
OK la, since I'm blabbering some random shout-outs. You, I miss you. You, whew, I think, for my sake, please get out of my head (I'm tired of overthinking). Or give me a sign. You, thanks for looking after me. You, I really hate to lie to you, but sigh, I like to think I don't have much choice. You, I wish I could keep in touch more. You, I wish you'd snap out of it. You, I think you should think of people other than yourself. You, don't change, I like you just the way you are.
And as for you, Mr Joe, go to bed. Don't re-read and proofread and tidy up this entry. Loong last day at work tomorrow before your two-week block leave. And the audit guys are coming, and your ass is sort of on the line. Wooooo scary. But don't worry, believe you've covered your ass well enough and that you're sort of invincible. Believe in yourself la you.
You're okay. You just have to wait for your turn. Whatever that means.
What's on your mind?
Ahh, the perennial Facebook question: What's on your mind?
Or, if it were the early 90's, it would have been, 'In your heeeead, in your heeeaaad, what's in your heeeeeeaaaad?' Hehe hello Cranberries.
But really, that happens to be my favourite question, or a variant of it. In a particular quiet time, I go ask the nearest person, "So.. what are you thinking?"
And I mean it, it's fascinating. I love to know what's on people's minds. Some minds I can't particularly read, and so I ask. Some minds I can read a bit and make a guess, but I want to confirm. Some minds I know what's going on at a particular time, but ask anyway, because I like to hear it spoken aloud, and it feels better that way sometimes for kaypoh (busybody) little me, and for the other party I hope. And lest you think I'm being intrusive, I only ask this question to people I'm close to, who I know wouldn't mind sharing.:) I happen to like asking the question, and being asked it.
* * *
And since I like talking to myself (Don't admit this in public, I was once advised), I ask myself too what's on my mind, for the simple reason that I'm not sure myself. It's all a load of mush right now, and I wouldn't know where to start.
All I know that something's going on in there, and I'm affected. Sometimes I think too that what's in the head is separate from what's in the (pardon me while I cringe at my own cheesiness) heart and what's in the other head (haha oops), but I think from my high school biology lessons it's really all in the brain. All in the head.
And the past two weeks especially, of goodbyes and long-distance calls and new changes, of dinners and suppers and meeting my favorite ex-colleague and good friends, of long walks by my lonesome and and the realization of too much/too little 'me' time, of stuff of the I-can't-believe-I'm-saying-this and I-can't believe-you-said-that kind, of more emo 'oh-shit-I-remember-this-feeling' moments, of waking up randomly at 4AM OR sleeping at 4AM, of being dazed and spacing out randomly at work, of SAS codes and correlation and reliability of parameter estimates, of birthday parties and beer and tequila and Japanese whiskey and Michael Jackson(!), of music and choir and harmonies and China, of tagged photos and videos and Facebook (I'm not flirting!) and Mafia wars, of lousy lousy Windows Live Messenger screwing up my conversations with at least three different people, of Holy Week and Easter reflections (or lack of) and of supreme love regardless, of little surprises that make me feel like I'm valuable, that I'm missed, that I'm loved, even if I'm feeling sloppy and insecure and slightly stoopid.
Yep, I confirm that lingering suspicion that it's all soup in my head right now. No surprise there.
(I realize the paragraph before the previous is so incredibly long and incoherent and random and painful haha and I'm sorry. That's the closest I can get to telling my current state of affairs.)
* * *
But going by my Facebook status, I'm quite sad I did not get to watch Rachael Yamagata's concert last night. Not that I wanted to go badly enough ($98 ticket and no definite companion to come with me -- I just rationalize and think that I spent the money for the Nike running shoes I bought the other day), but it would have been very nice. Maybe because she's one of the artists who makes me feel funny, you know, the type who just strikes a chord somewhere.
Whether it's her gritty Worn Me Down or the happy lovey 1963 or her dreamy Be Be Your Love, I just melt. But this song Reason Why below is what gets to me, it makes me so incredibly sad. I like. (Zach Braff of Scrubs introduces her too, two of my favorite people in the same video clip!)
Have a nice day everyone. 8:04AM and it's time to shower and get ready for work.
Or, if it were the early 90's, it would have been, 'In your heeeead, in your heeeaaad, what's in your heeeeeeaaaad?' Hehe hello Cranberries.But really, that happens to be my favourite question, or a variant of it. In a particular quiet time, I go ask the nearest person, "So.. what are you thinking?"
And I mean it, it's fascinating. I love to know what's on people's minds. Some minds I can't particularly read, and so I ask. Some minds I can read a bit and make a guess, but I want to confirm. Some minds I know what's going on at a particular time, but ask anyway, because I like to hear it spoken aloud, and it feels better that way sometimes for kaypoh (busybody) little me, and for the other party I hope. And lest you think I'm being intrusive, I only ask this question to people I'm close to, who I know wouldn't mind sharing.:) I happen to like asking the question, and being asked it.
* * *
And since I like talking to myself (Don't admit this in public, I was once advised), I ask myself too what's on my mind, for the simple reason that I'm not sure myself. It's all a load of mush right now, and I wouldn't know where to start.
All I know that something's going on in there, and I'm affected. Sometimes I think too that what's in the head is separate from what's in the (pardon me while I cringe at my own cheesiness) heart and what's in the other head (haha oops), but I think from my high school biology lessons it's really all in the brain. All in the head.
And the past two weeks especially, of goodbyes and long-distance calls and new changes, of dinners and suppers and meeting my favorite ex-colleague and good friends, of long walks by my lonesome and and the realization of too much/too little 'me' time, of stuff of the I-can't-believe-I'm-saying-this and I-can't believe-you-said-that kind, of more emo 'oh-shit-I-remember-this-feeling' moments, of waking up randomly at 4AM OR sleeping at 4AM, of being dazed and spacing out randomly at work, of SAS codes and correlation and reliability of parameter estimates, of birthday parties and beer and tequila and Japanese whiskey and Michael Jackson(!), of music and choir and harmonies and China, of tagged photos and videos and Facebook (I'm not flirting!) and Mafia wars, of lousy lousy Windows Live Messenger screwing up my conversations with at least three different people, of Holy Week and Easter reflections (or lack of) and of supreme love regardless, of little surprises that make me feel like I'm valuable, that I'm missed, that I'm loved, even if I'm feeling sloppy and insecure and slightly stoopid.
Yep, I confirm that lingering suspicion that it's all soup in my head right now. No surprise there.
(I realize the paragraph before the previous is so incredibly long and incoherent and random and painful haha and I'm sorry. That's the closest I can get to telling my current state of affairs.)
* * *
But going by my Facebook status, I'm quite sad I did not get to watch Rachael Yamagata's concert last night. Not that I wanted to go badly enough ($98 ticket and no definite companion to come with me -- I just rationalize and think that I spent the money for the Nike running shoes I bought the other day), but it would have been very nice. Maybe because she's one of the artists who makes me feel funny, you know, the type who just strikes a chord somewhere.
Whether it's her gritty Worn Me Down or the happy lovey 1963 or her dreamy Be Be Your Love, I just melt. But this song Reason Why below is what gets to me, it makes me so incredibly sad. I like. (Zach Braff of Scrubs introduces her too, two of my favorite people in the same video clip!)
Have a nice day everyone. 8:04AM and it's time to shower and get ready for work.
Waters of March
It's a March thing I think. Must be the March weather or something and my genetic make-up not compatible with the workings of the cosmos at this time of the year. Yeah, whatever right.
Relax, relax, relax Joe. Chill. But dunno, know the feeling where there's something stuck in your back and you can't shake it off? I was thinking maybe a massage or a jog or a swim will do the trick.
Until then, I can't help myself, whine begins now. It's just that everything's happening so fast and suddenly this and that and I'm mentally and physically and emotionally exhausted. It's the work piling up and my team still being understaffed despite efforts to hire, it's my colleague leaving and making me feel sad (though thanks for the doughnuts and for being very nice to me and taking my crap :D), it's another colleague getting PMS-y about office politics, it's conversations that momentarily stirred me up into a fit (but thank God it's over and peacefully settled), it's a money thing, it's a little personal problem thing, it's a good intentions thing, and even my good friend being retrenched and another feeling emo and another who feels disgusted with self and yet another who's not too happy with the outcomes of the world. (I don't know why other people affect me so much, I think it comes with my Superman Syndrome, and that's not quite a good thing sometimes.)
* * *
So strange. I was perfectly fine Friday and Saturday. Went Harry's, went clubbing even and had lunches and dinners and movie with friends and even met guests from home and got my favourite chunk of cheese from home. Hmm.
I think it's the build-up of stuff over the weeks. For the past month I've been having restless nights and strange dreams about me getting beaten up, about death in general, about my own death, about church, about hook-ups, about road trips, about the beach, about people dear to me, about people I haven't met in a while, about chance encounters and beautiful strangers, about credit cards modeling even.
* * *
Oh man, maybe it's the lack of sleep and physical fatigue. Hopefully it's just that. And what was going through my head as I experience all this is -- this is very much like last year. When my honours year project got me into an emo phase, and I got worked up perhaps more than I should have.
But we learn right. We learn from the past and make things better. Sometimes no way to learn but to just take the plunge and get smacked and whacked hard.
Anyway here's a happy song to cheer anyone else with the March blues.
It's the wind blowing free,
It's the end of the slope,
It's a beam, it's a void,
It's a hunch, it's a hope
And the river bank talks
of the waters of March,
It's the end of the strain,
It's the joy in your heart
It's the end of the slope,
It's a beam, it's a void,
It's a hunch, it's a hope
And the river bank talks
of the waters of March,
It's the end of the strain,
It's the joy in your heart
Night.
Restless times
5:54AM and I'm already up! I've been up for more than hour now. Who wakes up at 4:30AM in Singapore? Apparently the restless ones like me. But hey, good morning!
My brain's pretty much fried from work actually so, as per recent plan, let's not overthink this blog post and just get crunching.
* * *
What can I say, work is getting exciting! Exciting times man, the type that makes me want to sneak in on Sunday mornings or afternoons, just to get my code up and running so I can perform my analysis on what I fondly call my monster dataset on credit cards.
My Singaporean boss, or my other half in the 'retail' sub-team, was out for compulsory reservist training with the army for most of last week, so it was pretty much alone time for me at the office while the rest of the team (including big boss Aussie) went for their 'wholesale' sub-team meetings, which lasted for most afternoons in the week.
Aussie boss would come out from their meetings and teasingly sing to me that only cheery sad song "Alone Again (Naturally)," while I was at my workstation doing my work by my lonesome. Haha. Fine. As long as I have my music fix, thanks to imeem (and it's autoplay of related songs) or my MP3 player, I'm good to go. Alone time notwithstanding.
And besides, I've got more than enough work to last me all March. It's quite painful especially since we're understaffed right now, but I feel quite empowered too. Analyses can get screwed up because of me, since I've got both hands all dirty digging into the data in every way imaginable.
But it's just nice. At least now I have a legitimate answer to that age-old question, "Why are you still single?" "Focus on career muna." Haha.
* * *
But yeah, it's taking its toll on me leh, work stuff. Sometimes I whack myself in the head trying to figure things out, make sense of numbers, make sense of business words, send emails to another team to bug them about the information I need, and now I even hijack at least two other laptops from my teammates so I can run my codes. Okay Joe, stop whining now. Haha.
I had a good weekend though. And it's actually been a series of good weekends, so yay to that. Haaay nakow I'm so cheap I get off on simple thrills. Lunches and dinners with friends, Magic Singing with Karen and the housemates, helping Aaron with his final-year project poster (YES finally you're getting as insufferably fussy as me haha -- there's a reason why The Ridge layout team was quite annoyed with me oops), and yay I learned how to play "Anyone Else But You" from the Juno movie on the guitar! Haha and before anyone points out yes it's only two chords for the whole song. But it's damn cute, I like.
* * *
Oh and one more disturbing thing. I'm turning fat. Haha. Yes I still jog about two or three times a week, yes, and I'm not fat fat, just err.. tummy-ing. I knew it lah, I shouldn't have agreed with my housemate Clint to embark on this 'Race to 75'. Haha that's race to 75kg for you, me going up from 65kg some months back, and him from 80something. Currently I'm toggling between 69 and 70kg depending on the time of day haha. I think Clint's winning. Must go work out somehow la Jose.
It's just weird, I've never been fat all my life. Haha. Actually I was a fattish baby, but that's about it:
That's me in the family car where I was born, i.e. unceremoniously popped out. Ahh yes, my tummy looks just like that now, twentyplus years after. Haha.
* * *
Alright, sun's up. Hopefully weather won't be cold and gloomy like yesterday's. For some reason, weather like that makes me feel like those slow and tender Taylor Swift or Jason Mraz songs. Whatever that means, not now okay, Joseph has work to do! Haha have a nice day.
My brain's pretty much fried from work actually so, as per recent plan, let's not overthink this blog post and just get crunching.
* * *
What can I say, work is getting exciting! Exciting times man, the type that makes me want to sneak in on Sunday mornings or afternoons, just to get my code up and running so I can perform my analysis on what I fondly call my monster dataset on credit cards.
My Singaporean boss, or my other half in the 'retail' sub-team, was out for compulsory reservist training with the army for most of last week, so it was pretty much alone time for me at the office while the rest of the team (including big boss Aussie) went for their 'wholesale' sub-team meetings, which lasted for most afternoons in the week.
Aussie boss would come out from their meetings and teasingly sing to me that only cheery sad song "Alone Again (Naturally)," while I was at my workstation doing my work by my lonesome. Haha. Fine. As long as I have my music fix, thanks to imeem (and it's autoplay of related songs) or my MP3 player, I'm good to go. Alone time notwithstanding.
And besides, I've got more than enough work to last me all March. It's quite painful especially since we're understaffed right now, but I feel quite empowered too. Analyses can get screwed up because of me, since I've got both hands all dirty digging into the data in every way imaginable.
But it's just nice. At least now I have a legitimate answer to that age-old question, "Why are you still single?" "Focus on career muna." Haha.
* * *
But yeah, it's taking its toll on me leh, work stuff. Sometimes I whack myself in the head trying to figure things out, make sense of numbers, make sense of business words, send emails to another team to bug them about the information I need, and now I even hijack at least two other laptops from my teammates so I can run my codes. Okay Joe, stop whining now. Haha.
I had a good weekend though. And it's actually been a series of good weekends, so yay to that. Haaay nakow I'm so cheap I get off on simple thrills. Lunches and dinners with friends, Magic Singing with Karen and the housemates, helping Aaron with his final-year project poster (YES finally you're getting as insufferably fussy as me haha -- there's a reason why The Ridge layout team was quite annoyed with me oops), and yay I learned how to play "Anyone Else But You" from the Juno movie on the guitar! Haha and before anyone points out yes it's only two chords for the whole song. But it's damn cute, I like.
* * *
Oh and one more disturbing thing. I'm turning fat. Haha. Yes I still jog about two or three times a week, yes, and I'm not fat fat, just err.. tummy-ing. I knew it lah, I shouldn't have agreed with my housemate Clint to embark on this 'Race to 75'. Haha that's race to 75kg for you, me going up from 65kg some months back, and him from 80something. Currently I'm toggling between 69 and 70kg depending on the time of day haha. I think Clint's winning. Must go work out somehow la Jose.
It's just weird, I've never been fat all my life. Haha. Actually I was a fattish baby, but that's about it:
That's me in the family car where I was born, i.e. unceremoniously popped out. Ahh yes, my tummy looks just like that now, twentyplus years after. Haha.* * *
Alright, sun's up. Hopefully weather won't be cold and gloomy like yesterday's. For some reason, weather like that makes me feel like those slow and tender Taylor Swift or Jason Mraz songs. Whatever that means, not now okay, Joseph has work to do! Haha have a nice day.
For no apparent reason
Goooood morning blogosphere. Feels good to be back after two months!
This time it will be different; no (empty) promises of sticking around and blogging more regularly, no long journal entries that are overthought and sanitized as if they were articles. Then again, that promise to be 'different' I'm also not sure I can keep. Haha.
Plan for this entry is to for me to let the fingers do the thinking and typing (thanks for the reminder I don't type too slow after all) and click that "Publish Post" button and get a blog entry done and over with. In short, plan is to get some rambling done today, for no apparent reason.
* * *
I want to blog today about how thankful I am with the world I'm in right now. I don't know, it's a feeling that's a mix of serenity, what's left of teenage angst (haha yep and I'm three years into the twenties!), quite a lot of satisfaction with work and that thing that good people that surround you -- family friends colleagues random smiley strangers and aunties (I'm friendly with them lol) -- do to you.
I don't know. Maybe it's the feeling of not having documented my life for a long time. For not marking events and people and places with imaginary mental yellow and red markers (ala The Amazing Race) that are supposed to track the (I hesitate to use the word 'milestones') progress I've made thus far, twenty-three trips around the sun and counting.
Maybe it's the feeling too of having missed what I term my 'new years', and not having been made enough traction on the resolutions I had planned. New Year Number 1 is New Year's Day, and that's supposed to set the stage for the legendary (Hello Barney of How I Met Your Mother) changes I'm supposed to make. Supposed to. I procrastinated and hey, there's New Year Number 2.
That's Chinese New Year, which was sometime in late January. What I realize is it's too incredibly easy to get sucked up with whatever one is doing and there's just not enough time to step back, and take a look back at the tracks. And so there's New Year Number 3, my birthday early February. That again, seemed like a good place to start afresh.
* * *
The thing with me is always go on false starts. But the thought is there, the resolve is there, it's just... lacking perhaps. Start what, exactly? I'm not too sure myself. Haha. It's a lot, actually, and it's the stuff I miss.
I miss writing. I miss reading. The big secret about me being an ex-editor and an English Studies minor is that I am not actually well-read (I mistook Hamlet for Macbeth in my literature class-- now I still think twice which is which). Little me was quite a library boy too. I miss that. I miss making music. I went for the choir concert last week and I remember the sheer beauty of making one incredible chord, never mind if mine occasionally was the shaky one buried beneath 70 other voices. Oh and Cecilia offered to sell me her keyboard. Tempting tempting! I haven't played the piano in the longest time. But if I buy it, can I sustain it? Oh and I miss blogging, if this long-winded aimless entry is any proof.
* * *
Also I want to articulate somehow how thankful I am because I find myself lucky. My boss doesn't hate me for almost dozing off in his team meetings, he even finds it amusing. (Never again boss, I'm sorry) I'm lucky I'm learning a lot of things from my job, including being patient and thorough and how to relate with people. And how different it is at work now, compared to the stress levels I hit last year in school (what with the thesis, level four modules, final semester blues). Oh and I haven't been axed yet, and I still get a bonus too even if I haven't worked for a full year, so yay to that.
And my friends lah. My housemates and Pinoy friends, my MSN and Yahoo! and Facebook buddies (I'm beginning to love chatting online again), choir friends, my colleagues at work. And family, needless to say, I miss you at home. Oh the Titans musta naman kayo jan? Haha. And hmmmm you. When will I find you? Haha hurry up and get here!
* * *
I should jog more often in the morning. These were the thoughts in my head as I was running 5.4km with myself around six in the morning yesterday, along with some older uncles and aunties (the younger jogging crowd opt for evenings if I'm not wrong) and quite a few dogs being walked by their owners.
Exhilarating feeling. Especially when the sun rises to greet you as you end your run, and Stereophonics' Have a Nice Day randomly plays in your earphones.
Have a nice day people, and good night.
This time it will be different; no (empty) promises of sticking around and blogging more regularly, no long journal entries that are overthought and sanitized as if they were articles. Then again, that promise to be 'different' I'm also not sure I can keep. Haha.
Plan for this entry is to for me to let the fingers do the thinking and typing (thanks for the reminder I don't type too slow after all) and click that "Publish Post" button and get a blog entry done and over with. In short, plan is to get some rambling done today, for no apparent reason.
* * *
I want to blog today about how thankful I am with the world I'm in right now. I don't know, it's a feeling that's a mix of serenity, what's left of teenage angst (haha yep and I'm three years into the twenties!), quite a lot of satisfaction with work and that thing that good people that surround you -- family friends colleagues random smiley strangers and aunties (I'm friendly with them lol) -- do to you.
I don't know. Maybe it's the feeling of not having documented my life for a long time. For not marking events and people and places with imaginary mental yellow and red markers (ala The Amazing Race) that are supposed to track the (I hesitate to use the word 'milestones') progress I've made thus far, twenty-three trips around the sun and counting.
Maybe it's the feeling too of having missed what I term my 'new years', and not having been made enough traction on the resolutions I had planned. New Year Number 1 is New Year's Day, and that's supposed to set the stage for the legendary (Hello Barney of How I Met Your Mother) changes I'm supposed to make. Supposed to. I procrastinated and hey, there's New Year Number 2.
That's Chinese New Year, which was sometime in late January. What I realize is it's too incredibly easy to get sucked up with whatever one is doing and there's just not enough time to step back, and take a look back at the tracks. And so there's New Year Number 3, my birthday early February. That again, seemed like a good place to start afresh.
* * *
The thing with me is always go on false starts. But the thought is there, the resolve is there, it's just... lacking perhaps. Start what, exactly? I'm not too sure myself. Haha. It's a lot, actually, and it's the stuff I miss.
I miss writing. I miss reading. The big secret about me being an ex-editor and an English Studies minor is that I am not actually well-read (I mistook Hamlet for Macbeth in my literature class-- now I still think twice which is which). Little me was quite a library boy too. I miss that. I miss making music. I went for the choir concert last week and I remember the sheer beauty of making one incredible chord, never mind if mine occasionally was the shaky one buried beneath 70 other voices. Oh and Cecilia offered to sell me her keyboard. Tempting tempting! I haven't played the piano in the longest time. But if I buy it, can I sustain it? Oh and I miss blogging, if this long-winded aimless entry is any proof.
* * *
Also I want to articulate somehow how thankful I am because I find myself lucky. My boss doesn't hate me for almost dozing off in his team meetings, he even finds it amusing. (Never again boss, I'm sorry) I'm lucky I'm learning a lot of things from my job, including being patient and thorough and how to relate with people. And how different it is at work now, compared to the stress levels I hit last year in school (what with the thesis, level four modules, final semester blues). Oh and I haven't been axed yet, and I still get a bonus too even if I haven't worked for a full year, so yay to that.
And my friends lah. My housemates and Pinoy friends, my MSN and Yahoo! and Facebook buddies (I'm beginning to love chatting online again), choir friends, my colleagues at work. And family, needless to say, I miss you at home. Oh the Titans musta naman kayo jan? Haha. And hmmmm you. When will I find you? Haha hurry up and get here!
* * *
I should jog more often in the morning. These were the thoughts in my head as I was running 5.4km with myself around six in the morning yesterday, along with some older uncles and aunties (the younger jogging crowd opt for evenings if I'm not wrong) and quite a few dogs being walked by their owners.
Exhilarating feeling. Especially when the sun rises to greet you as you end your run, and Stereophonics' Have a Nice Day randomly plays in your earphones.
Have a nice day people, and good night.
