Let me first say that I don't enjoy writing depressing entries. Yes, yes, Mr Stress Personified notwithstanding.
But really, dear God, I'm about to break down. I feel defeated academically, and it's draining me, mentally, emotionally, and heck, even physically. Nobody seems to get me, too. I'm just sort of here, in a totally different wavelength from everyone else, and it gets lonely. Sure there are people who genuinely care for me and want to be in sync with me (more people than I think I deserve too, thank you), but I dunno, maybe I'm too off, too unpredictable and wayward for anyone. Maybe I like to feel lonely and miserable, and I'm secretly enjoying being in the dumps. Yes, yes, a real possibility. Oh, and I'm Mr Butt of All Jokes of late, and it's the sort of thing that one likes to ride along with, but subconsciously it eats at you slowly.
There's this thing I do that indicates when my stress level peaks. I did it last night, and I did it earlier this afternoon. It's not a fun thing, it's not even intentional -- it just happens. If it's any consolation, I feel better afterwards.
I've been thinking of something deliberate I should do when my stress level peaks, like right now. I never got around doing it, and I think ultimately it would do me a world of good.
Dear God help me get through the next four days,and help me hurdle two more exams. And then help me with my HYP.
And so goes another post that's not for Multiply.
Two weeks notice
Two weeks since my last post, two weeks (less actually) before my final exams, and I'm going back home to the Philippines two weeks after that. As much as I'd love to count in two-week lengths so that it would be only two time steps more before I land in Davao City and feel the Davao lovin' that I sorely miss (last I've been there was last January still!), I can't quite be too excited as that would mean the big Exams are just one step away. They're just there, really, nearby, hiding behind a tree or something, patiently waiting for time to pass before they pounce on me. I should be doing the pouncing, really, so that's why I'm (supposed to be) prepping my guns for that inevitable encounter.
* * *
Dork stuff first. I was looking at my previous entry and realized that from the side, it resembles something that, as a Statistics major, I should instantly recognize:
It's a histogram!
With Cecilia for lunch at Science today was her angmoh (Singlish for Caucasian) classmate, Charles. Cool, the first Luxembourger I've met my entire life.:) And yes, he confirmed it's Luxembourger, aware of the chuckles the name might elicit. Pleasant guy, and at one point, the three of us talked about Christmas trees. In Luxembourg, the concept of plastic Christmas trees is alien to them; they buy real trees instead. I asked what they do with them afterwards, and Charles said they throw them away. Haha, at least that's an advantage of our plastic Christmas tree. It was funny because I was sharing with them how for a few years, we would actually have a nice real live tree in our home in Davao -- 'live' in the sense that it was cut from a live tree, and not made of plastic and boxed for sale in department stores -- which my Dad would cut from some place in the countryside. These 'live' Christmas trees were rather uncommon in the Philippines, and Cecilia then said that actually, in the Philippines, the real Christmas tree is the plastic one. This must've seemed strange to Charles and his live Christmas trees, and well, odd to both me and Cecilia too -- we've been too caught up with the plastic tree tradition, that the essentially fake is now considered the real thing.
Over the past few weeks, things have been rather busy, and effectively I've screwed up my biological clock. I've been going to the statistics lab to program, study or do programming (or typesetting) work with Gelo (and sometimes Brian too), until the wee hours of the morning, sometimes until 2am, sometimes until 6am. I grab my coffee and pau in the morning to perk me up for my morning classes, sleep in the afternoon if I don't have my part-time work, have dinner, sleep again if I missed my afternoon nap, and work late-nights/early-mornings again at the lab with nocturnal mugger Gelo.
The results have been both good and bad, I think. For one, I get to be productive to a degree, and it's been helpful discussing with Gelo on my financial and mathematical stuff for my Honours Year Project (he's doing a module on applications of physics in finance), and he's been helping me with my LaTeX, the typesetting program I need to write my HYP. I've been doing some programming for my Nonparametric Statistics project too, and after an earlier first presentation that absolutely bombed (yes it's the one where at the end of the Powerpoint, Joseph asks 'Are there any questions?' and virtually all the hands shoot up to ask, one comment being 'I don't see the direction or objective of your project'), I was bent on acing this final presentation of a project that comprises 40%(!!) of our grade.
In a recent episode of DH (Season 4), Susan was taking rather extreme measures to make a good impression on the new neighbors (who happened to be a gay couple) who just moved in on Wisteria Lane. Her husband Mike, finding her attempts ridiculous, asked her, 'Why do you need to make everyone like you?' or something to that effect. I was watching it with Gelo, and we both rolled our eyes. It did seem a bit desperate.
But actually, come to think of it, I may be suffering from the same thing. A milder case, definitely. Well, OK, maybe it's not the same thing. (ahh yes Joseph is a story of contradictions, if you haven't realized that by now) It's just that I want to be friends (or at least in good terms) with everyone, and I don't ever want to cut people off (I did so before and it wasn't much fun), nor be on the receiving end of it. And to be cut off, without knowing a sufficient reason why or how one deserved it, is just plain sad. 'So sad!' as Singaporeans like to say.
A lot of things happen in the past two weeks, and no, don't worry, I won't be rattling off what happened in that time -- partly because I don't remember; it's all a blur now -- because the things that concern me more, really, are the goings-on in my head.
Yes, sir, I think Joseph has gone slightly mental. And of course, his ever-reliable I'm-high-on-coffee excuse again comes in handy. (Unrelated note: Yes, some blog entries are cross-posted on both Multiply and Blogspot)
It's a histogram!
I'm a statistics major after all. Hah.
-dork session ends now-
* * * -dork session ends now-
Cecilia over lunch today mentioned that I don't like my major, in response to my comment that I don't particularly score excellently in Statistics. I refused to accept that statement, qualifying that, I actually don't love it, or OK, I don't like it too much, but I like it fairly well. I'm not sure I should even be thinking these thoughts, considering I'm one of the few who are doing Honours in Statistics, a small bunch now because it requires a qualifying grade, and most other Stats majors prefer the three-year basic degree, but that's that. Another friend from Choir, Xuefang, has mentioned to me, in two separate occasions, that I should be an English major.
Hmm. I don't know. Maybe I don't like my major. Maybe it's too difficult, especially my current load of Level 4000 modules. Maybe the fact that I score way better in my language and literature modules with half the effort I put into my stats and math modules ought to tell me something, as well as the fact that I enjoy arts modules are more enjoyable than science modules. Hmmm. In July 2008, I'll be graduating with an B.Sc. (Honours) degree in Statistics, and minors in English and Financial Mathematics. Sounds good to me. Not 'honours' with flying colors (God knows I tried my bestest), but that's honours just the same. There's the English minor there, too, so that can't be bad. Oh Jose, spreading self too thin again. Jack of all trades, master of none eh? Nah, let's just say I'm multi-talented. Lol.
* * *With Cecilia for lunch at Science today was her angmoh (Singlish for Caucasian) classmate, Charles. Cool, the first Luxembourger I've met my entire life.:) And yes, he confirmed it's Luxembourger, aware of the chuckles the name might elicit. Pleasant guy, and at one point, the three of us talked about Christmas trees. In Luxembourg, the concept of plastic Christmas trees is alien to them; they buy real trees instead. I asked what they do with them afterwards, and Charles said they throw them away. Haha, at least that's an advantage of our plastic Christmas tree. It was funny because I was sharing with them how for a few years, we would actually have a nice real live tree in our home in Davao -- 'live' in the sense that it was cut from a live tree, and not made of plastic and boxed for sale in department stores -- which my Dad would cut from some place in the countryside. These 'live' Christmas trees were rather uncommon in the Philippines, and Cecilia then said that actually, in the Philippines, the real Christmas tree is the plastic one. This must've seemed strange to Charles and his live Christmas trees, and well, odd to both me and Cecilia too -- we've been too caught up with the plastic tree tradition, that the essentially fake is now considered the real thing.
In our house, now we have the plastic tree again, the relatively-modern fiber-optic kind whose tips light up and change colours when the tree is plugged. It's pretty, and it eliminates the need for a separate set of Christmas lights. Good stuff, can't wait to see it when I get back home.
* * *
* * *
The results have been both good and bad, I think. For one, I get to be productive to a degree, and it's been helpful discussing with Gelo on my financial and mathematical stuff for my Honours Year Project (he's doing a module on applications of physics in finance), and he's been helping me with my LaTeX, the typesetting program I need to write my HYP. I've been doing some programming for my Nonparametric Statistics project too, and after an earlier first presentation that absolutely bombed (yes it's the one where at the end of the Powerpoint, Joseph asks 'Are there any questions?' and virtually all the hands shoot up to ask, one comment being 'I don't see the direction or objective of your project'), I was bent on acing this final presentation of a project that comprises 40%(!!) of our grade.
And we did.
Or so I felt. So did my groupmates. One of my groupmates said she thought ours was the best of all the presentations, and, objectively speaking, I'd have to agree. We took pains to explain the flaws of our graphs, and derived a subset of the original dataset, and ultimately fitted reasonable parametric and nonparametric models to model the relationship between volume of strikes in a set of countries and inflation rate. And well, I used my anal-ness in English and editing to meticulously tidy up the slides and the report. Compared with the rest, I say that ours was a step ahead because we were able to conclusive find these models to explain the relationship of the variables, while the other groups had minimally- or non-conclusive final results. It's not that I'm being arrogant or anything, it's just that it feels good to redeem ourselves after the disaster that was Presentation #1, and considering our hard work, the hours in the lab, and the eyebags and zits I earned (which continue to hang around until now) as a result. The downside of this erratic lifestyle, however, is that I'm sleepy and lethargic. And when I get my dose of coffee, let's just say I'm not far off from erratic either. And I don't know, there's still no rhythm la, I've been waiting for the mugging feeling to come so I can study intensely in a consistent and systematic manner, that will have me covering all the material in time. In two weeks.
Or so I felt. So did my groupmates. One of my groupmates said she thought ours was the best of all the presentations, and, objectively speaking, I'd have to agree. We took pains to explain the flaws of our graphs, and derived a subset of the original dataset, and ultimately fitted reasonable parametric and nonparametric models to model the relationship between volume of strikes in a set of countries and inflation rate. And well, I used my anal-ness in English and editing to meticulously tidy up the slides and the report. Compared with the rest, I say that ours was a step ahead because we were able to conclusive find these models to explain the relationship of the variables, while the other groups had minimally- or non-conclusive final results. It's not that I'm being arrogant or anything, it's just that it feels good to redeem ourselves after the disaster that was Presentation #1, and considering our hard work, the hours in the lab, and the eyebags and zits I earned (which continue to hang around until now) as a result. The downside of this erratic lifestyle, however, is that I'm sleepy and lethargic. And when I get my dose of coffee, let's just say I'm not far off from erratic either. And I don't know, there's still no rhythm la, I've been waiting for the mugging feeling to come so I can study intensely in a consistent and systematic manner, that will have me covering all the material in time. In two weeks.* * *
In slightly unrelated news, I'm still Mr Stress Personified. It's not a title I like at all, but it's just the way it is, that's how people see me. I'm not sure if I should be pleased that people are amused by it, because hey, at least they're not avoiding me and I'm thankfully not spreading the stress around, but still... not very fun. Why do I care again what people think about me? I wonder myself.
In a recent episode of DH (Season 4), Susan was taking rather extreme measures to make a good impression on the new neighbors (who happened to be a gay couple) who just moved in on Wisteria Lane. Her husband Mike, finding her attempts ridiculous, asked her, 'Why do you need to make everyone like you?' or something to that effect. I was watching it with Gelo, and we both rolled our eyes. It did seem a bit desperate.
But actually, come to think of it, I may be suffering from the same thing. A milder case, definitely. Well, OK, maybe it's not the same thing. (ahh yes Joseph is a story of contradictions, if you haven't realized that by now) It's just that I want to be friends (or at least in good terms) with everyone, and I don't ever want to cut people off (I did so before and it wasn't much fun), nor be on the receiving end of it. And to be cut off, without knowing a sufficient reason why or how one deserved it, is just plain sad. 'So sad!' as Singaporeans like to say.
Then again, cutting-off is sometimes just the way to go. 'So sad!' yes, but we just have to face facts, and accept the things we can't change. Still I say we let the reconciliatory offer remain on the table, keep it there despite its necessitating a good gulp of one's pride, and let the other party pick it up if he or she so wishes.
But don't walk the offer like a salesman if the response is muted, and ultimately keep some dignity for yourself.
* * *
OK time to get mugging baby. ST3235 Statistical Quality Control is just waiting for me to dive right in. Till the next (overdue) (whiney) (angsty)(does-anything-fun-ever-happen) blog entry!
Randomness
Milo van
violins
Jason Mraz's "You and I Both"
Nerina Pallot's "Sophia"
am i a lucky roommate or what?
sponge bath!
pull a fast one
the mythical lift (elevator) i've been pondering over lately
(is "over" the right word to follow "ponder"?)
why do people sink into depression?
(not why do people sink into depression?)
happy birthday
music! and choir
Penshoppe pink shirt that reads "out of my mind/back in 5 minutes"
feel-good jeans
quasi-monte carlo methods
did you miss me while you were looking for yourself?
do we have to be lost to find ourselves?
the Champagne Supernova "how many special people change" repeat playback in my head
17-year gap with boyfriend!
thanks for your notes
white tie, sexy
blue tie, with pj's!
red tie, where are you?
it was fun to be with you guys again
must we need an occasion to gather?
OK Go's "Oh Lately It's So Quiet"
if you're not here haunting me/whose house are you haunting tonight?
how does it feel to take morphine?
thanks for dinner
hey i missed you
all of you too, needless to say
"i got it from my momma" lol
hospitals still depress me
congrats robs!
the circle of trust
why didn't i discover this earlier?
shared activities
late nights, thank you
working harder than smarter, tsk tsk
missed out on ice cream, i'm sorry
missed out on good company -- next time ok? :)
will you scold me when i see you tomorrow?
hope portugal was good for you
dark cloud hovering
i sit down long enough, and it wraps me up
not the clinical kind, don't worry
"don't sit down" :)
microsoft excel
R
microsoft word
mcdonald's breakfast!
aren't you sweet
missing people
and the missing people
can't read you
stop reading me
connect the dots
go ahead, figure me out
violins
Jason Mraz's "You and I Both"
Nerina Pallot's "Sophia"
am i a lucky roommate or what?
sponge bath!
pull a fast one
the mythical lift (elevator) i've been pondering over lately
(is "over" the right word to follow "ponder"?)
why do people sink into depression?
(not why do people sink into depression?)
happy birthday
music! and choir
Penshoppe pink shirt that reads "out of my mind/back in 5 minutes"
feel-good jeans
quasi-monte carlo methods
did you miss me while you were looking for yourself?
do we have to be lost to find ourselves?
the Champagne Supernova "how many special people change" repeat playback in my head
17-year gap with boyfriend!
thanks for your notes
white tie, sexy
blue tie, with pj's!
red tie, where are you?
it was fun to be with you guys again
must we need an occasion to gather?
OK Go's "Oh Lately It's So Quiet"
if you're not here haunting me/whose house are you haunting tonight?
how does it feel to take morphine?
thanks for dinner
hey i missed you
all of you too, needless to say
"i got it from my momma" lol
hospitals still depress me
congrats robs!
the circle of trust
why didn't i discover this earlier?
shared activities
late nights, thank you
working harder than smarter, tsk tsk
missed out on ice cream, i'm sorry
missed out on good company -- next time ok? :)
will you scold me when i see you tomorrow?
hope portugal was good for you
dark cloud hovering
i sit down long enough, and it wraps me up
not the clinical kind, don't worry
"don't sit down" :)
microsoft excel
R
microsoft word
mcdonald's breakfast!
aren't you sweet
missing people
and the missing people
can't read you
stop reading me
connect the dots
go ahead, figure me out
Whatever happened to..?
Me.
I don't seem to like me very much right now. Just now I heard myself spurt out an expletive I didn't mean at all. I was shocked myself. Now I'm no stranger to expletives, and I believe that, when spoken at that precise time when the situation calls for it, an expletive works perfectly. It's still not a very nice thing, but that's the Joseph of late for you.
Lately I've been oscillating between sleepless, exhausted, lonely, ranty, cranky, sad, disappointed, confused, and all other points in between. Sure there have been good times, when I was hyper and relieved and genuinely happy and was actually having a fun time, but all these bright spots just pale when I sit back and ponder and allow this gloomy darkness to envelope me.
Why do I get too affected? Why can't I just shake off this Superman Syndrome? Ironically, I've been suffering from a bad case of inferiority complex too. Am I contradicting myself? Or am I just a plain wreck? Maybe I'm bipolar? What's wrong with me? Maybe it's just the weather?
I can't seem to be in-synch with the world. Or maybe it's the world I choose to have that's the problem; maybe I shouldn't expect much. As if I have been expecting a lot after all. As if I haven't been pessimistic enough lately.
God knows it takes precious little to make me happy. Why am I denied my little joys? Denied by my own doing, perhaps. Denied by the world I chose to create. Denied by the cosmos, too, most probably.
Am I complaining about the littlest things? Overly whiney again? Maybe, maybe not. I realise that as transparent as I may seem to everyone, and despite my reputation for being weird and emo and 'stress personified', no one except myself can tell the extent of the wreckage that is me.
Well, perhaps Sgt Pepper would know.
(And this blog entry, like the previous one, is not one for Multiplying.)
I don't seem to like me very much right now. Just now I heard myself spurt out an expletive I didn't mean at all. I was shocked myself. Now I'm no stranger to expletives, and I believe that, when spoken at that precise time when the situation calls for it, an expletive works perfectly. It's still not a very nice thing, but that's the Joseph of late for you.
Lately I've been oscillating between sleepless, exhausted, lonely, ranty, cranky, sad, disappointed, confused, and all other points in between. Sure there have been good times, when I was hyper and relieved and genuinely happy and was actually having a fun time, but all these bright spots just pale when I sit back and ponder and allow this gloomy darkness to envelope me.
Why do I get too affected? Why can't I just shake off this Superman Syndrome? Ironically, I've been suffering from a bad case of inferiority complex too. Am I contradicting myself? Or am I just a plain wreck? Maybe I'm bipolar? What's wrong with me? Maybe it's just the weather?
I can't seem to be in-synch with the world. Or maybe it's the world I choose to have that's the problem; maybe I shouldn't expect much. As if I have been expecting a lot after all. As if I haven't been pessimistic enough lately.
God knows it takes precious little to make me happy. Why am I denied my little joys? Denied by my own doing, perhaps. Denied by the world I chose to create. Denied by the cosmos, too, most probably.
Am I complaining about the littlest things? Overly whiney again? Maybe, maybe not. I realise that as transparent as I may seem to everyone, and despite my reputation for being weird and emo and 'stress personified', no one except myself can tell the extent of the wreckage that is me.
Well, perhaps Sgt Pepper would know.
(And this blog entry, like the previous one, is not one for Multiplying.)
Three's
Joseph can't quite blog as long as he would love to, because there's just no time. There's a draft saved, but he couldn't finish it, so that's that. It's a shame, really, because catharsis would be a good thing right about now.
* * *
Over dinner with Cedric at Burger King last night, I again mentioned the Superman Syndrome (or well, actually, Spiderman may be a bit more accurate since Peter Parker is more of a emo wreck) which I claim to be suffering from. It's this drive to "save" people who remotely need some kind of help, the drive to do whatever I can, even if it's none of my business, even if I'm close to prying, even if the persons don't even want or need any saving or help. Cedric said he may have the Kyo Syndrome, which essentially, is the total opposite; Kyo is an anime character who was a cold and brutal samurai, known to have mercilessly slain many other warriors.
* * *
Tonight I had dinner at Subway with Hayati, who claims she "came all the way from the the other side of the country to see me" (indeed Pasir Ris/Tampines are indeed on the other end). She was one of my close friends during the past two years while she was in NUS. She agreed that my Superman Syndrome is also known as "Kaypoh" Syndrome (check Singlish dictionary definition here), she mentioned that she accomplished quite a feat dealing with her recent issues, and she's just simply fun to talk to -- maybe because we're both a mess.
* * *
Three midterm tests down, and I'm officially beat. I flunked one, and I feel horrible about it. Honours Year Project presentation went OK, yesterday, never mind if I had a grand total of 5 hours of sleep in two days.
* * *
Today I had nine hours of of sleep. After the HYP presentation yesterday, I thought I'd give myself a break. I was surprisingly up and about and giddy when I woke up at noon, and then after a while, it felt odd, even somewhat wrong; the last time I slept so long was about three months ago.
* * *
I was bloghopping yesterday and two things struck me: Paul's euthanasia post with the curious concept of a person's "duty to die", and Wayne's post on "new people". For a person who puts a high premium on friendship, I've been thinking about the people I've met, the friends I made, the friends I thought I made, the kind who seem friendly one minute and strangely turn cold in the next, the friends I've made before but who I rarely meet now, the hi-bye people I'd like to befriend even more but circumstances wouldn't allow, the friendships that just happen, those that you just know are genuine and intact, regardless of the time spent together in the friendship-building stage, of the frequency of contact, of the presence or absence of unfriendly times that supposedly strengthen the bond (I know of a person who thinks real friends have to have a a fight somehow for them to be considered close friends). Cedric thinks I'm overly friendly, to the point of being too transparent, and I agree, actually, that it may be a fault; maybe I'll try being more opaque.
* * *
James Blunt's new single is called 1973. I don't particularly find the song fantastic, and I like Rachael Yamagata's 1963 more -- it's just summery and lovely. But if I were to choose a song named after years (and that end in three too), I guess I'd go for John Mayer's 83.
I'd post more, but I feel I've taken too long to write this entry yet again. I have two sentences left to say what I want (unless I use fancy punctuation marks and sentence coordinators like the 'and' that's coming up after the comma), and maybe I'll use the first to say that all-nighters and exhaustion and intensive brain activity and overthinking about friendships and relationships don't exactly make a happy mix. I guess I'll just have to find my own lingaw (loosely translated it means "fun"), as my Bisaya friend in Davao used to say, but until I get into the groove of finding good stuff from the little things I used to enjoy, I think I need to just rest, and breathe, and relax, and, well, actually, I could use a hug and a pat too.
* * *
Over dinner with Cedric at Burger King last night, I again mentioned the Superman Syndrome (or well, actually, Spiderman may be a bit more accurate since Peter Parker is more of a emo wreck) which I claim to be suffering from. It's this drive to "save" people who remotely need some kind of help, the drive to do whatever I can, even if it's none of my business, even if I'm close to prying, even if the persons don't even want or need any saving or help. Cedric said he may have the Kyo Syndrome, which essentially, is the total opposite; Kyo is an anime character who was a cold and brutal samurai, known to have mercilessly slain many other warriors.
* * *
Tonight I had dinner at Subway with Hayati, who claims she "came all the way from the the other side of the country to see me" (indeed Pasir Ris/Tampines are indeed on the other end). She was one of my close friends during the past two years while she was in NUS. She agreed that my Superman Syndrome is also known as "Kaypoh" Syndrome (check Singlish dictionary definition here), she mentioned that she accomplished quite a feat dealing with her recent issues, and she's just simply fun to talk to -- maybe because we're both a mess.
* * *
Three midterm tests down, and I'm officially beat. I flunked one, and I feel horrible about it. Honours Year Project presentation went OK, yesterday, never mind if I had a grand total of 5 hours of sleep in two days.
* * *
Today I had nine hours of of sleep. After the HYP presentation yesterday, I thought I'd give myself a break. I was surprisingly up and about and giddy when I woke up at noon, and then after a while, it felt odd, even somewhat wrong; the last time I slept so long was about three months ago.
* * *
I was bloghopping yesterday and two things struck me: Paul's euthanasia post with the curious concept of a person's "duty to die", and Wayne's post on "new people". For a person who puts a high premium on friendship, I've been thinking about the people I've met, the friends I made, the friends I thought I made, the kind who seem friendly one minute and strangely turn cold in the next, the friends I've made before but who I rarely meet now, the hi-bye people I'd like to befriend even more but circumstances wouldn't allow, the friendships that just happen, those that you just know are genuine and intact, regardless of the time spent together in the friendship-building stage, of the frequency of contact, of the presence or absence of unfriendly times that supposedly strengthen the bond (I know of a person who thinks real friends have to have a a fight somehow for them to be considered close friends). Cedric thinks I'm overly friendly, to the point of being too transparent, and I agree, actually, that it may be a fault; maybe I'll try being more opaque.
* * *
James Blunt's new single is called 1973. I don't particularly find the song fantastic, and I like Rachael Yamagata's 1963 more -- it's just summery and lovely. But if I were to choose a song named after years (and that end in three too), I guess I'd go for John Mayer's 83.
I have these dreams I'm walking home* * *
home where it used to be
everything is as it was
frozen in front of me
here I stand six feet small
romanticizing years ago
but it's a bittersweet feeling
hearing "Wrapped Around Your Finger" on the radio
and these days
I wish I was six again
oh make me a red cape
I wanna be Superman
oh if only my life was more like 1983
all these things would be more like they were at the start of me
had it made in 83
thinking 'bout my brother Ben
I miss him everyday
he looks just like his brother John
but on an eighteen month delay
here I stand six feet small
and smiling cause I'm scared as hell
kinda like your life is like a sequel to a movie
where the actors' names have changed
. . .
and most my memories have escaped me
or confused themselves with dreams
if heaven's all they want it to be
send your prayers to me care of 1983
. . .
I'd post more, but I feel I've taken too long to write this entry yet again. I have two sentences left to say what I want (unless I use fancy punctuation marks and sentence coordinators like the 'and' that's coming up after the comma), and maybe I'll use the first to say that all-nighters and exhaustion and intensive brain activity and overthinking about friendships and relationships don't exactly make a happy mix. I guess I'll just have to find my own lingaw (loosely translated it means "fun"), as my Bisaya friend in Davao used to say, but until I get into the groove of finding good stuff from the little things I used to enjoy, I think I need to just rest, and breathe, and relax, and, well, actually, I could use a hug and a pat too.
It goes without saying
It's been ridiculously long since my last post, but I feel that now may possibly be a good time. My eyes are sore, I have a throbbing headache, the Self-Access English Learning Facility where I'm currently am doing my part-time job is quiet and cold (both because there are too few students around because it's the midterm break over here at NUS), and there have been too many thoughts swimming in my head I want to coop them all up in one long blog entry.
How I've managed to not blog when so many things have happened can only be explained by two words: Honours Year. Add to that Joseph's incurable Superman Syndrome, driving him to want to do this and that and this again, never mind the physical/emotional/mental toll (hello part-time job, hello Executive Editor for the school magazine, goodbye NUS Choir though), and good old fussiness (about everything else except his hostel room), and you have, ladies and gentlemen, an explosive recipe that can go either way -- it can be mindblowingly fantastic (or Drastic Fantastic if you, like me, like Scottish singer KT Tunstall), or it can be, well, massively disastrous.
But then again, I ask myself, what's new? Joseph has earned a reputation for being stressed and high-strung regarding schoolwork and everything else for the longest time here in the University, so yeah, I guess it's just like that. All in a day's work.
* * *
Needless to say, the past few weeks have been incredibly hectic for me. The highlight of it all, perhaps, was the week that just passed. On Thursday I had a tutorial submission due for my Computer-Intensive Statistical Methods class, and it required long computer lab sessions involving random number generation and simulation. On Friday I had two projects due: one was a discussion on statistical tests of a research study for my Clinical Trials module, and another was the first presentation for my Nonparametric Statistics project.
The Computer-Intensive Stats tutorial I couldn't understand at all, let alone how to actually derive the formulas and come up with computer codes. A classmate lent me her senior's notes, and even then, trying to work backwards, I still couldn't understand. Depressing. I finished it up in the end, and then it was on to the Clinical Trials project. Never before have I crammed for a project due in two days' time. And it wasn't because I was slacking too, trust me. I did half of it, and postponed the rest until Friday afternoon, as the deadline was Friday midnight. I focused instead on my Nonparametric Statistics project, a group project, but which only I was tasked to present as I did most of the programming codes, and because I spoke more fluent English than my Chinese groupmates. Tidied up the presentation, even used the LateX program so the equations would look more professional, and slept for my usual four to five hours a night.
So I presented at 10:30AM, and after I presented, I asked the small class of 15, "Any questions?" To my absolute horror, almost everyone's hands were up. My heart sank. Of course I tried to regain composure and joke around a bit while asking for reinforcements in the form of my three Chinese groupmates, but in the end, it was, just like that: we were too caught up doing the numerical and graphical analysis of the data that we forgot the underlying assumptions in the first place, the actual real-life interpretation of the data, and the aim and direction of the entire project. "Don't be upset, it was fine. You just need to think about your data more," our lecturer and my Honours Year Project supervisor Dr Chen was saying. Well I was upset, for sure, but thanks Dr Chen, for always being nice and encouraging.
Later in the evening, after getting over the presentation that bombed, I continued doing my Clinical Trials project. In the midst of the task, I received some email from the layout artists from The Ridge, the student magazine of which I'm the Executive Editor. He asked why the article he was supposed to layout was not uploaded in the Yahoo!groups yet. Mea culpa. I promised it would be up in an hour's time. I edited the article quick, and resumed doing my project. My phone rang after a few minutes. It was another layout artist, asking about another article that wasn't up yet, apparently taking the cue from the earlier one who emailed. I asked, "Err.. are you doing your layout now?" "Yes" was the reply. OK, so Joseph did some quick quick editing and file up in 20 minutes. In the end I dropped the hardcopy of my project in my lecturer's pigeonhole (I walked from my room to the Science building) at 2AM , two hours after the deadline. I was thinking, he would not notice anyway. Haha I remember Karen doing the same for our film history module last semester at 1AM, while I dutifully submitted right on the dot after much mad typing and even madder running at 4:55PM. Haha.
Anyway, so that's that. I don't want to quote Matchbox Twenty's Mad Season again in this blog, or my nick on Windows Live Messenger. Haha suffice it to say, that it absolutely is Mad Season right now in NUS. It goes without saying.
* * *
Wow, it's 3:46PM already, and I began typing at 2:42PM. I will always be fascinated at my incredibly slow writing speed. I'd like to think it's more than just typing. It's thinking and reflecting, and deconstructing and reconstructing all at the same time. It may not be coherent, but that's fine. Somehow, I'm feeling slightly less stressed now, now that the burdens of the past weeks have been, well, cyber-inked and chronicled. I still have a lot to say, but it gets personal, and I'll leave that for the next entry, which will probably come way sooner than you think.
Wipe that smirk off your face
For the record, Joseph is exhausted. He has been doing his part-time job (8 bucks an hour baby) at SELF for the past few afternoons, and been swamped by lectures and tutorials and editing The Ridge's September issue. Last night, he stayed at the statistics lab until past midnight to do his tutorial due at 8AM this morning (went to Computer Centre to print too at 720AM). Turns out all his answers were wrong! Man, they weren't kidding when they named the module Computer Intensive Statistical Methods.
Back-to-back lectures and tutorials today, and you know the feeling of pretending to follow the prof when you actually don't? The feeling of trying to look smart and well, hoping like hell that he wouldn't call you to answer? Dr Gan of my ST3235 Statistical Quality Control class singled me out today, asking me why my face wasn't among the class roster photos he printed out. See, he randomly calls people to participate and answer his questions. Haha but he's a nice guy, and he didn't call me to answer any of the tutorial questions. Yay. I'll buy the textbook tomorrow and be a good student and read the readings during the weekend.
Lunched with a pissed Paul at Bizad. Haha. Whoops not my fault your phone died on you man.:) Strange how he's a Pinoy here in NUS and I met him only this year. He reminds me a lot of one of my favorite cousins. The jokingly annoying kind. Got soaked in the rain on the way to SELF for my afternoon duty. Shared a good laugh with Ms Chan, the nice spunky lady who's my boss, and who was my lecturer for GEM1008 Evaluating Academic Arguments a few sems back. (I got A- for that module too.=P) Talked with YS online during a lull at SELF. Haha I'm incredibly happy for him. And for an online friendship, this one turned out pretty well.
Back-to-back lectures and tutorials today, and you know the feeling of pretending to follow the prof when you actually don't? The feeling of trying to look smart and well, hoping like hell that he wouldn't call you to answer? Dr Gan of my ST3235 Statistical Quality Control class singled me out today, asking me why my face wasn't among the class roster photos he printed out. See, he randomly calls people to participate and answer his questions. Haha but he's a nice guy, and he didn't call me to answer any of the tutorial questions. Yay. I'll buy the textbook tomorrow and be a good student and read the readings during the weekend.
Lunched with a pissed Paul at Bizad. Haha. Whoops not my fault your phone died on you man.:) Strange how he's a Pinoy here in NUS and I met him only this year. He reminds me a lot of one of my favorite cousins. The jokingly annoying kind. Got soaked in the rain on the way to SELF for my afternoon duty. Shared a good laugh with Ms Chan, the nice spunky lady who's my boss, and who was my lecturer for GEM1008 Evaluating Academic Arguments a few sems back. (I got A- for that module too.=P) Talked with YS online during a lull at SELF. Haha I'm incredibly happy for him. And for an online friendship, this one turned out pretty well.
I rushed off to conduct interviews for new writers for The Ridge at YIH after an early dinner. Gooooood stuff, never mind if by this time I was positively looking haggard and washed out from exhaustion (but of course still presentable). I actually like interviewing people. Too bad I won't be doing this much anytime soon. The interviewees visibly find me rather quirky (or OK weird or whatever because of my fast-talking and random rambling but it's fun la -- and I think it's called charm really LOL), but it's a good thing I have the 'up since 7AM' and 'high on coffee' and 'try doing statistics tutorials' excuses.:)
OK time's up time to go home. I've been here at the Computer Centre (again) in the hopes of doing my two statistics tutorials, but to no avail. But I'm still OK, I think I've gotten used to the long days and nights, and I still can't wipe the smirk off my face. Haha.
*OK after re-reading this post I realize maybe I should minimize my coffee intake. I sound hyper even for me. Hehe.
The Multiply No-Cross-Post Test
This is the Multiply No-Cross-Post Test.
Blah blah blah yada yada yada oooh wheee shoobidoowap
If this works, then I can get some reasonable degree of privacy after all.
Why did I cross-post some entries on Multiply again? Haha maybe I just got a little too giddy.
This is the end of the Multiply No-Cross-Post Test.
Nothing follows
Blah blah blah yada yada yada oooh wheee shoobidoowap
If this works, then I can get some reasonable degree of privacy after all.
Why did I cross-post some entries on Multiply again? Haha maybe I just got a little too giddy.
This is the end of the Multiply No-Cross-Post Test.
Nothing follows
Happenstance
It's a story of randomness, really, our lives. No matter how we think we've calculated our every move and figured out the trajectory of our course, we almost always end up with those little surprises, pleasant or nasty -- but for now let's focus on the good stuff. Partly because it's 4:06AM and I'm feeling reflective, and partly because Joseph is still high on Rachael Yamagata's lovely, lovely music.
Rachael's 2004 album is entitled Happenstance, and aside from it being awesome and dare-I-say-it sublime (haha Huai Zhi recently pointed out to me how some people use the word 'sublime' for no good reason, say to describe the WOMAD festival events, but of course I know better), it's just inspiring, really.
And I just love the title 'Happenstance'. It's an artsy way of describing a chance happening or event, or coincidence; it's the amalgamation of "happening" and "circumstance". And for a Statistics major and English Studies minor like me, the word is a product of two of my favorite things: creative wordplay and the brilliant idea of chance (or likelihood, or probability if you will).
* * *
Maybe I'm posting this because I'm pretty much caught off-guard right now. And that's a good thing, I suppose, because I'm still able to find some surprises in the increasingly routinary motions of University life, or, okay, life in general. Maybe it's being twenty-one, and wanting to jumpstart life like I've never done before, maybe it's the Final Year thing that gets me thinking about the imminent jobhunt or post-grad or the youth I'm not ready to let go of just yet. Or, maybe it's just the Honours Year Project, my undone labs and tutorials for the week, and the editing and writing for The Ridge. But I digress. What I'm really saying is that for all the bouts of blah-ness and sian-ness ('sian', pronounced /sien/ is Singlish for 'jaded'), I'm still up and about, on the lookout for my next pleasant surprise.
I pretty much thought I'd have the past few months and the coming ones figured out, from my internship, to NUS Choir, to Honours Year modules, to The Ridge, to my part-time job at SELF, and even to lunchmates and dinnermates and mugging-mates and friends, both offline and online, both in Singapore and in the Philippines. But I sit here and recount my experiences for the past few weeks, and realize that it's been an interesting leg in my as-yet destinationless journey. And that makes me smile.
* * *
I've had to loosen my grip and sever some ties, adjust my footing to secure my grounding, take back my unacknowledged outstretched hand, and yet I've also learned to look around, to hang on tightly to those I've taken for granted, to be more watchful of the things that have gone unnoticed or undiscovered for the longest time, to be patient and accepting of random junk hurled my way, and to be welcoming to new faces and friends and more surprises(!) as I take the plunge into as-yet untested waters.
* * *
It's 5:10AM, and this blog entry took an hour and four minutes to write! Quite unbelievable I realize, but since I rarely blog nowadays, I think it's time well spent (although yeah, I must learn to write faster).
I'm still smiling.
Rachael's 2004 album is entitled Happenstance, and aside from it being awesome and dare-I-say-it sublime (haha Huai Zhi recently pointed out to me how some people use the word 'sublime' for no good reason, say to describe the WOMAD festival events, but of course I know better), it's just inspiring, really.
And I just love the title 'Happenstance'. It's an artsy way of describing a chance happening or event, or coincidence; it's the amalgamation of "happening" and "circumstance". And for a Statistics major and English Studies minor like me, the word is a product of two of my favorite things: creative wordplay and the brilliant idea of chance (or likelihood, or probability if you will).
* * *
Maybe I'm posting this because I'm pretty much caught off-guard right now. And that's a good thing, I suppose, because I'm still able to find some surprises in the increasingly routinary motions of University life, or, okay, life in general. Maybe it's being twenty-one, and wanting to jumpstart life like I've never done before, maybe it's the Final Year thing that gets me thinking about the imminent jobhunt or post-grad or the youth I'm not ready to let go of just yet. Or, maybe it's just the Honours Year Project, my undone labs and tutorials for the week, and the editing and writing for The Ridge. But I digress. What I'm really saying is that for all the bouts of blah-ness and sian-ness ('sian', pronounced /sien/ is Singlish for 'jaded'), I'm still up and about, on the lookout for my next pleasant surprise.
I pretty much thought I'd have the past few months and the coming ones figured out, from my internship, to NUS Choir, to Honours Year modules, to The Ridge, to my part-time job at SELF, and even to lunchmates and dinnermates and mugging-mates and friends, both offline and online, both in Singapore and in the Philippines. But I sit here and recount my experiences for the past few weeks, and realize that it's been an interesting leg in my as-yet destinationless journey. And that makes me smile.
* * *
I've had to loosen my grip and sever some ties, adjust my footing to secure my grounding, take back my unacknowledged outstretched hand, and yet I've also learned to look around, to hang on tightly to those I've taken for granted, to be more watchful of the things that have gone unnoticed or undiscovered for the longest time, to be patient and accepting of random junk hurled my way, and to be welcoming to new faces and friends and more surprises(!) as I take the plunge into as-yet untested waters.
* * *
It's 5:10AM, and this blog entry took an hour and four minutes to write! Quite unbelievable I realize, but since I rarely blog nowadays, I think it's time well spent (although yeah, I must learn to write faster).
I'm still smiling.
That Bloggin' Feelin'
Haha apparently I've lost it, that bloggin' feelin'.
I want to blog, really, and there have been more than enough events and sufficient flurry of emotional/physical/mental/even mathematical and statistical activity lately, that the Joseph of 2004 or 2005, would have blogged about instantly. But I dunno. Apparently, (cue music) I've lost that [bloggin'] feelin'. Kulit ko.
If I did blog, I would blog about choir, about moving out of Tower Block and into a double room at Old Kent Ridge, about my quirky (and thoroughly amusing) new Chinese roomie, using my dear sister's Mac iBook becasue my 5-year-old Compaq laptop is severely sick, my online chats with old friends, my gradual loss of contact with some other friends, the Pinoy meetup cum karaoke session where yours truly hogged the Magic Sing microphone, the Singapore Citizenship Ceremony the NUS Choir sang for at the Parliament House (we were on Channel News Asia for a few seconds!) and the subsequent big yummy buffet, followed by the fantastic fireworks we watched by the Esplanade Bridge (and the throw-up episode I had thanks to the buffet -- it was just too much for me to handle), my brief yet refreshing meet-up with my long-lost friend Richelle of my AJSS days back in '02 (she came over to Singapore for a few days thanks to the Storm & Flood Holidays in Manila), my Honours Year Project (on implied and realized volatility of high-frequency data pertaining to stock options), my maddening brain-twisting Level 4000 modules, and The Ridge and the long 302 research, and unfinished articles, and my part-time job at SELF (Self-Access English Learning Facility) and how I screwed up on the very first day yesterday.
Haha. I can't believe I'm just rattling off events now, instead of ranting or raving about them. Tell you what, why don't you, dear blog reader, talk to me in person or via MSN, or Gmail, or Yahoo Messenger, or Chikka, or M1 instead? I'll be most glad to talk. And listen. And ask about your day.
Am I rambling? Yes I am. And I haven't even talked about news from home, how our house was broken into and our PC and some items were stolen. Thank God everything is fine now.:D But I digress.
I think it's time to sleep now. And the music of Rachael Yamagata, Paolo Nutini, and Sunset Daze are still ringing in my head.:) Goodnight.
I want to blog, really, and there have been more than enough events and sufficient flurry of emotional/physical/mental/even mathematical and statistical activity lately, that the Joseph of 2004 or 2005, would have blogged about instantly. But I dunno. Apparently, (cue music) I've lost that [bloggin'] feelin'. Kulit ko.
If I did blog, I would blog about choir, about moving out of Tower Block and into a double room at Old Kent Ridge, about my quirky (and thoroughly amusing) new Chinese roomie, using my dear sister's Mac iBook becasue my 5-year-old Compaq laptop is severely sick, my online chats with old friends, my gradual loss of contact with some other friends, the Pinoy meetup cum karaoke session where yours truly hogged the Magic Sing microphone, the Singapore Citizenship Ceremony the NUS Choir sang for at the Parliament House (we were on Channel News Asia for a few seconds!) and the subsequent big yummy buffet, followed by the fantastic fireworks we watched by the Esplanade Bridge (and the throw-up episode I had thanks to the buffet -- it was just too much for me to handle), my brief yet refreshing meet-up with my long-lost friend Richelle of my AJSS days back in '02 (she came over to Singapore for a few days thanks to the Storm & Flood Holidays in Manila), my Honours Year Project (on implied and realized volatility of high-frequency data pertaining to stock options), my maddening brain-twisting Level 4000 modules, and The Ridge and the long 302 research, and unfinished articles, and my part-time job at SELF (Self-Access English Learning Facility) and how I screwed up on the very first day yesterday.
Haha. I can't believe I'm just rattling off events now, instead of ranting or raving about them. Tell you what, why don't you, dear blog reader, talk to me in person or via MSN, or Gmail, or Yahoo Messenger, or Chikka, or M1 instead? I'll be most glad to talk. And listen. And ask about your day.
Am I rambling? Yes I am. And I haven't even talked about news from home, how our house was broken into and our PC and some items were stolen. Thank God everything is fine now.:D But I digress.
I think it's time to sleep now. And the music of Rachael Yamagata, Paolo Nutini, and Sunset Daze are still ringing in my head.:) Goodnight.
Make my day
It takes so little, actually. Joseph isn't hard to please.
Thank you to those who do it effortlessly. Who need not even do it consciously or with intent.
You make my day. And I am most thankful even if I don't spell it out.
* * *
Sigh. I wish Blogger could read my mind so I don't have to type out what's in my head. I miss blogging. I miss telling my friends and family what mind monsters I've recently killed and those that continue to haunt me. Let's talk soon, yeah?
Joseph is swimming in thoughts now -- of roommates, of friends, of online and offline friends, of Honours Year Project, of Carrots Consulting, of leaving and starting afresh. And the Philippines, of course. How I wish I were back home for a well-deserved breather.
Music of the Moment: Mat Kearney - Where We Gonna Go From Here
Currently feeling pensive.
Thank you to those who do it effortlessly. Who need not even do it consciously or with intent.
You make my day. And I am most thankful even if I don't spell it out.
* * *
Sigh. I wish Blogger could read my mind so I don't have to type out what's in my head. I miss blogging. I miss telling my friends and family what mind monsters I've recently killed and those that continue to haunt me. Let's talk soon, yeah?
Joseph is swimming in thoughts now -- of roommates, of friends, of online and offline friends, of Honours Year Project, of Carrots Consulting, of leaving and starting afresh. And the Philippines, of course. How I wish I were back home for a well-deserved breather.
Music of the Moment: Mat Kearney - Where We Gonna Go From Here
Currently feeling pensive.
Great.
One of the increasingly rare times I decide to make a blog entry, and after completing the bloody long post, it won't publish and I receive an error message from Blogger. And that's it. Poof. Gone.
Just great. And I thought the function that autosaves drafts works. Quite an emo post that was, and I'm not sure I have the energy to write it again. Oh well.
Apparently blogs are cathartic only when the message you want to get out of your system is actually out and published.
12:27AM and I think it's time to leave the Computer Centre and go back to the room.
Just great. And I thought the function that autosaves drafts works. Quite an emo post that was, and I'm not sure I have the energy to write it again. Oh well.
Apparently blogs are cathartic only when the message you want to get out of your system is actually out and published.
12:27AM and I think it's time to leave the Computer Centre and go back to the room.
Time to think
For the record, I'm tired of overthinking.
But this is the time to think. Time to think about the friendship (its nature and complexities), organizations (how it sometimes brings people together, sometimes breaks them apart), honours year project (and how to make it exist), work (and colleagues and towering buildings and lunch hours), what-ifs (keeping in mind the butterfly effect), issues (social and personal and how they inevitably meld), events (the big ones like the Pattaya competition and the little ones we tend to overlook), the bigger picture and the finer details.
Yes, this is the time to think. And it's perfect that this directly translates into my precious "me time".
Goodnight world, all my good vibes to you, special mention to those I've been missing lately.
But this is the time to think. Time to think about the friendship (its nature and complexities), organizations (how it sometimes brings people together, sometimes breaks them apart), honours year project (and how to make it exist), work (and colleagues and towering buildings and lunch hours), what-ifs (keeping in mind the butterfly effect), issues (social and personal and how they inevitably meld), events (the big ones like the Pattaya competition and the little ones we tend to overlook), the bigger picture and the finer details.
Yes, this is the time to think. And it's perfect that this directly translates into my precious "me time".
Goodnight world, all my good vibes to you, special mention to those I've been missing lately.
Snob
I checked my Friendster after a long hiatus (I've recently moved to Facebook, but even there I'm rather inactive too), and I realise I can be quite a snob. Haha and all that wanting to connect crap right? Haha. But that was a sincere previous entry okay! Busy lazy tired yeah my usual excuses.XD And yes I'll try not to be a snob anymore.
Okay, for real now, goodnight!
Okay, for real now, goodnight!
Talk is Cheap
There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how
I'm still thinking whether I like it when songs tell exactly what I'm thinking. It's like BAM! that's my song -- but so it is to thousands of others at any given time. Anyway it's Wonderwall by Oasis this time.
* * *
My roaming handphone was cut off the other day. It's what I use to receive SMSes from the Philippines (saves my friends and family money that way). Nobody much has been SMSing me lately, actually (maybe because I'm too busy to reply back.. and I call home anyway), but it's a bit sad that I'm a little more disconnected from the world.
Actually, more than that, what I really want to do now is to connect -- in whatever way I can -- to people. I want to tell you this and that and what happened and how I deal but I dunno, I can't, because of this bottomless bag of excuses I've been lugging around with me. That, and I'm tired and lazy and busy.
But I do want to talk. To you. The plural you actually. I wanna talk to old friends. I wanna talk to new friends -- even those I've never met in person. I wanna talk to my loved ones at home. Those I haven't and won't see in a long time. Those I miss. Those who miss me. Those who I secretly miss but don't realise just yet. Those too who I see every day. Those I've been making small chitchat with but never quite the serious talk. And my future Honours Year Project supervisor, I wanna figure out who you are by first finding you!
There are many things I'd like to say to you all, really. And come on, how have you all been? Let's catch up sometime.
* * *
The NUS Choir will fly off to Thailand for the Choir competition on Thursday. I'll be back on Monday. Hope we have a kick-ass time, and well, win while we're at it. In other news, I suspect my four+-year-old laptop is dying, if not practically dead yet. It's typing strange characters even when I'm not pressing (p\8p\\\\888888) , and so it's virtually unusable. Sad. I'm figuring out a way. Attended a wedding last Saturday, 07/07/07, tell you more about it sometime. Happy graduation to those who just finished their Commencement ceremonies! I'm proud of you guys.. and I apologize for not being able to turn up for any of your events. And whoops, sorry too if I was unable to send so much as an SMS.
Time for Jose to sleep now. Work again later yahooo!:P
I'm still thinking whether I like it when songs tell exactly what I'm thinking. It's like BAM! that's my song -- but so it is to thousands of others at any given time. Anyway it's Wonderwall by Oasis this time.
* * *
My roaming handphone was cut off the other day. It's what I use to receive SMSes from the Philippines (saves my friends and family money that way). Nobody much has been SMSing me lately, actually (maybe because I'm too busy to reply back.. and I call home anyway), but it's a bit sad that I'm a little more disconnected from the world.
Actually, more than that, what I really want to do now is to connect -- in whatever way I can -- to people. I want to tell you this and that and what happened and how I deal but I dunno, I can't, because of this bottomless bag of excuses I've been lugging around with me. That, and I'm tired and lazy and busy.
But I do want to talk. To you. The plural you actually. I wanna talk to old friends. I wanna talk to new friends -- even those I've never met in person. I wanna talk to my loved ones at home. Those I haven't and won't see in a long time. Those I miss. Those who miss me. Those who I secretly miss but don't realise just yet. Those too who I see every day. Those I've been making small chitchat with but never quite the serious talk. And my future Honours Year Project supervisor, I wanna figure out who you are by first finding you!
There are many things I'd like to say to you all, really. And come on, how have you all been? Let's catch up sometime.
* * *
The NUS Choir will fly off to Thailand for the Choir competition on Thursday. I'll be back on Monday. Hope we have a kick-ass time, and well, win while we're at it. In other news, I suspect my four+-year-old laptop is dying, if not practically dead yet. It's typing strange characters even when I'm not pressing (p\8p\\\\888888) , and so it's virtually unusable. Sad. I'm figuring out a way. Attended a wedding last Saturday, 07/07/07, tell you more about it sometime. Happy graduation to those who just finished their Commencement ceremonies! I'm proud of you guys.. and I apologize for not being able to turn up for any of your events. And whoops, sorry too if I was unable to send so much as an SMS.
Time for Jose to sleep now. Work again later yahooo!:P
Like restless wind inside a letterbox
Thoughts meander
Like a restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly
As they make their way Across the universe
_________
I suspect I may have been a die-hard Beatles fan in a past life. Theirs are my happy songs, and quite poetic and quotable too. Even their melancholic songs strike me, and Sgt Pepper, Eleanor Rigby (All the lonely people, where do they come from?) are intriguing characters.
But I digress.
That excerpt was just my way of starting off this entry. A way of describing my state of mind, Beatles-style.:) Thoughts continue to swirl in my head, and I continue to struggle finding ways to put them into writing. Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't, but actually, that brings me to one of the reasons I thought of writing an entry anyway.
Belated happy birthday Mama! I realise she's one of my most avid readers, and although (or maybe precisely because) we don't talk much on the phone (everyone's in the Philippines and I'm in Singapore), she reads my blog faithfully. She sends me emails too, which I sometimes forget to reply to. So hello there Ma, here's a blog update from me to you, and I hope you had a terrific birthday! I called late at night on June 29 to greet her, and I'm glad that nicely capped her 55th birthday.:) Much love to my Dad and my sister Kai too! I hope you guys are doing great, and thanks Dad for the SMSes (and the use of your credit card!). I got the goodies too that you guys sent to me through Karen, my profuse thanks!
________
A lot of my friends are moving out of NUS too. I told my friend Joanne from Ridge View Residences (that's RVR for you), during her last few days here, that a song I thought she ought to be singing is In My Life. Actually, what really got me was the There are places I'll remember bit and similar lines, never mind the romantic I love you more part (because Joseph's unattached and couldn't relate). And yes, maybe because it's true, all these places had their moments, with lovers and friends, I still can recall.
I'm gonna miss a lot of people in the next schoolyear. But it's okay, the places that I'll remember now bear their invisible indelible marks.
I'll make an abrupt suspension of this entry, as the dryer's done with my clothes, and I should be off to bed so I could wake up tomorrow in time to iron my shirt for work.:) To be continued.
Like a restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly
As they make their way Across the universe
_________
I suspect I may have been a die-hard Beatles fan in a past life. Theirs are my happy songs, and quite poetic and quotable too. Even their melancholic songs strike me, and Sgt Pepper, Eleanor Rigby (All the lonely people, where do they come from?) are intriguing characters.
But I digress.
That excerpt was just my way of starting off this entry. A way of describing my state of mind, Beatles-style.:) Thoughts continue to swirl in my head, and I continue to struggle finding ways to put them into writing. Maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't, but actually, that brings me to one of the reasons I thought of writing an entry anyway.
Belated happy birthday Mama! I realise she's one of my most avid readers, and although (or maybe precisely because) we don't talk much on the phone (everyone's in the Philippines and I'm in Singapore), she reads my blog faithfully. She sends me emails too, which I sometimes forget to reply to. So hello there Ma, here's a blog update from me to you, and I hope you had a terrific birthday! I called late at night on June 29 to greet her, and I'm glad that nicely capped her 55th birthday.:) Much love to my Dad and my sister Kai too! I hope you guys are doing great, and thanks Dad for the SMSes (and the use of your credit card!). I got the goodies too that you guys sent to me through Karen, my profuse thanks!
________
A lot of my friends are moving out of NUS too. I told my friend Joanne from Ridge View Residences (that's RVR for you), during her last few days here, that a song I thought she ought to be singing is In My Life. Actually, what really got me was the There are places I'll remember bit and similar lines, never mind the romantic I love you more part (because Joseph's unattached and couldn't relate). And yes, maybe because it's true, all these places had their moments, with lovers and friends, I still can recall.
I'm gonna miss a lot of people in the next schoolyear. But it's okay, the places that I'll remember now bear their invisible indelible marks.
I'll make an abrupt suspension of this entry, as the dryer's done with my clothes, and I should be off to bed so I could wake up tomorrow in time to iron my shirt for work.:) To be continued.
what i really want
is for you
all of you to whom i matter
and who matter to me
to get inside my head
to swim in my thoughts
thoughts and thoughts
that have been swirling
round and round
thoughts i'm too lazy
too busy too exhausted
too scared too paiseh
too selfish too proud
to articulate,
by way of this blog
or otherwise.
the events and places i've been to
people who've kept me company
(and those whose company i keep
only in my thoughts)
sentiments i've been harboring
and the music!
the art, the tube
the fabric, the long walks
the messages (digital or otherwise)
the voices, the stories
(okay some alcohol too)
the memories
that have kept me going
they go
round and round
in and out
of my head
and in again
i sure as hell want
you
to know
to know me
partly because
i've become a lousy blogger
wanting to make amends
partly because
i just miss you!
i'll be missing you
maybe i've missed you before
you
who matter to me
and to whom i matter
now tell me about your day
all of you to whom i matter
and who matter to me
to get inside my head
to swim in my thoughts
thoughts and thoughts
that have been swirling
round and round
thoughts i'm too lazy
too busy too exhausted
too scared too paiseh
too selfish too proud
to articulate,
by way of this blog
or otherwise.
the events and places i've been to
people who've kept me company
(and those whose company i keep
only in my thoughts)
sentiments i've been harboring
and the music!
the art, the tube
the fabric, the long walks
the messages (digital or otherwise)
the voices, the stories
(okay some alcohol too)
the memories
that have kept me going
they go
round and round
in and out
of my head
and in again
i sure as hell want
you
to know
to know me
partly because
i've become a lousy blogger
wanting to make amends
partly because
i just miss you!
i'll be missing you
maybe i've missed you before
you
who matter to me
and to whom i matter
now tell me about your day
All's well that ends well
It was a lazy weekend -- and I liked it that way. It was a weekend consisting of a book and a movie at Central Library, Grey's Anatomy, card games like Bridge and Hearts until 5AM, Absolut Vanilla, Choir practice at some faraway place, and capped by a relaxing back-of-a-green-pick-up ride at 1030PM to this prata shop at West Coast, with friends around, in a table with excellent cheese prata (one that would put the Fong Seng coffee shop to shame) and a big mug of ice-cold bandung.
All's well that's ends well, I thought.
I realise, however, that by the same token, all's unwell that ends unwell. I only needed to get back to the room, and well, all's unwell.
All's well that's ends well, I thought.
I realise, however, that by the same token, all's unwell that ends unwell. I only needed to get back to the room, and well, all's unwell.
Thankful
Results were out Friday -- I'll blog the details sometime else -- but yey Joseph's going for Honours Year! The grades were better than expected, and so Joseph is happy and thankful and will be blogging more about this the next time around.
:)
OK I just have to add on something, because I fear it might be a while since I post.
It feels great to achieve something I've been working hard for. Really, it may not be much (others have much higher academic expectations of themselves), but I'm happy. I'm happy because the hard work paid off, because I don't have to make a surprise graduation this year, because people who matter to me are happy for me -- especially my family who I know have been praying hard for this. I thank my Dad and Ma too especially, who never doubted me, and who nonetheless reminded me that even if I didn't make it, it didn't matter.
I haven't been too prayerful lately, but one thing I always keep in mind is that the Man Upstairs has always been playing some mysterious role in the events in my life (and everyone else's), whether favorable to us or not. I don't know how much he nudged the factors and circumstances in this one, but thank You.
It's good to finally be able to sleep with one less disturbing thought in my head.:D Goodnight!
:)
OK I just have to add on something, because I fear it might be a while since I post.
It feels great to achieve something I've been working hard for. Really, it may not be much (others have much higher academic expectations of themselves), but I'm happy. I'm happy because the hard work paid off, because I don't have to make a surprise graduation this year, because people who matter to me are happy for me -- especially my family who I know have been praying hard for this. I thank my Dad and Ma too especially, who never doubted me, and who nonetheless reminded me that even if I didn't make it, it didn't matter.
I haven't been too prayerful lately, but one thing I always keep in mind is that the Man Upstairs has always been playing some mysterious role in the events in my life (and everyone else's), whether favorable to us or not. I don't know how much he nudged the factors and circumstances in this one, but thank You.
It's good to finally be able to sleep with one less disturbing thought in my head.:D Goodnight!
Restless
I've been wanting to blog for the longest time, but I couldn't for some reason or another. I was walking to Old Chang Kee to buy a breakfast of sorts on my way to the bus stop, where I'd wait for my ride to the MRT station (where in turn I'll take a train to the office), when the thought struck again: Blog tonight.
Now after a long day at the office, heavy choir practice as soon as I arrived in the evening (no dinner too until 9:30PM), and an embarrassing one-on-one session with Adyll, our student conductor, I cannot quite bring myself to write a decent entry.
I can tell you what's bugging me though: the examination results will be out tomorrow. From seven o'clock in the evening they'll be up online. Oh man, am I scared. It's make or break, and I'm just so freakin' restless I think I'm even getting cranky already. And I really mean make-or-break, as in if I screw up, I don't get into Honours Year next year, and I'll be forced to graduate in July 2007, instead of July 2008.
Say a quick prayer for me please? Or if you don't pray much, just send me all your good vibes yeah? Thanks.
I'll probably be at the office to check my results. The officemates are planning a night-out, and we interns, I believe, are invited as well, but of course I may just pass if the big news I'll be getting isn't quite worth celebrating.
Anyway I'm now restless, in more ways than one (get it? GET IT?), and I think I'll iron my workclothes and catch some sleep. Goodnight.
Now after a long day at the office, heavy choir practice as soon as I arrived in the evening (no dinner too until 9:30PM), and an embarrassing one-on-one session with Adyll, our student conductor, I cannot quite bring myself to write a decent entry.
I can tell you what's bugging me though: the examination results will be out tomorrow. From seven o'clock in the evening they'll be up online. Oh man, am I scared. It's make or break, and I'm just so freakin' restless I think I'm even getting cranky already. And I really mean make-or-break, as in if I screw up, I don't get into Honours Year next year, and I'll be forced to graduate in July 2007, instead of July 2008.
Say a quick prayer for me please? Or if you don't pray much, just send me all your good vibes yeah? Thanks.
I'll probably be at the office to check my results. The officemates are planning a night-out, and we interns, I believe, are invited as well, but of course I may just pass if the big news I'll be getting isn't quite worth celebrating.
Anyway I'm now restless, in more ways than one (get it? GET IT?), and I think I'll iron my workclothes and catch some sleep. Goodnight.
I wouldn't have posted but...
... it was Moms' day until about 20 minutes ago, and when I called home one of the first things she asked was whether I had any new blog post.:)
Mama was never the type who would talk long with you on the phone (maybe she's worried about the phone bill, I don't know haha... and it was even me who was doing the calling), but you just know she keeps tabs on you, in an affectionate kind of way.
Now this isn't gonna be a cheesy entry, nope Sir, not at all. It's just another "Hello World" entry to update you guys what I've been up to. And of course, so that Ma will be a bit more pleased when she goes online. Hehe.
I've decided to upload some pictures instead. Haha. I'll upload the pictures from clubbing at Gotham Penthouse when cool partygirl Myriel uploads them on Multiply. (Myriel is unlikely to read this--but here's me intensely hoping/willing/sending off vibes to Myriel in the Philippines so she'd upload the pics soonest!) XD Hot photos there with me, Myriel, Karen, Nestor, Ferron, and Nestor's friend Jonas.:)
OK let's get it on with the photos I do have. The first of the more eventful things t
hat happened lately was of course THE END OF THE EXAMS. The exams happening is one thing, them actually ending is another event altogether, as far as I'm concerned.
The first photo at the right isn't the usual look of my room OK -- it was a photo right after my last exam, Financial Mathematics. It was my sixth exam, and the most dreaded too. I think it was Karen (or me?) who said that one's room reflects a person's state of mind, so you can figure out from the photo how much sanity (and dead brain cells) I had left after six grueling exams.
[Room update: I've moved out of my favorite room 801 here at Tower Block of Ridge View Residences, and I'm here now at my friend Aaron's room, 806. It's been a major chore moving out and moving in, and tidying up the place while Aaron's back home in Malaysia, but it's all almost done now, so we just have to get used to it. Aaron and I are such cheapskates, we're sharing the room to split the outrageous $60/week cost of stay for the holidays. And for the record, I'll be sleeping on the floor when he arrives.]
After my last exam on May 2nd, I had lunch with Shirley, my Financial Maths buddy, and headed back to my room for a well-deserved nap. I watched a free musical at the Univ Cultural Centre with Joanne in the afternoon, dropped by the Forum to torture Karen who still had another exam left, and to say hi to Carina, Myriel and Ferron, and went back to my room to rest. Rest was essential because the next day would be my first day at work! (Yes it was no rest for Jose)
One of the perks of doing an internship at a consulting firm is that I get to wear yuppie clothes. Haha. Slacks and long-sleeved shirts. Now I have reason to go shop at G2000. There was a G2000 sale lately and I helped myself to a couple of shirts and pairs of slacks. The photo above wasn't taken on my first day at work though. It was taken on the day I went for the contract-signing, one of those days withing exam period. It was a quickie: they told me to go at 11am, I went there, signed the contract, and was off! By 12 noon I was back in NUS and was off to the library to mug again.
I tried taking a full-body shot, but it didn't turn out so nice (Yes I also don't know if my camera has a timer!):
Anyway, I digress again. Yes yes it was the first day of work on May 3rd and of course I had to take photos before I left for Raffles Place.
This was fresh from the shower. I realized my hair isn't quite Prison Break anymore (hmmm shall I have another haircut?), so it was time for some wax.
No more full-body shots this time. Hehe.
Anyway it's getting late and I should turn in now if I want to be up on time tomorrow. I'll leave you with these photos I took at my workplace last Friday. My camera's beeps when I take a shot, so I couldn't take photos while my officemates were around. When they went for a project meeting at 7PM last Friday (official hours are until 630PM, but nobody ever moves at that time 'cos there's a lot of work to be done -- of course we interns can leave early but most of us prefer not to)
You can just tell it's my desk because of the multiple pens and highlighters, and well, what I like to call "organized mess". It works for me, you know. Hehe. It can be sparkling clean on other times of the day, but Friday was particularly heavy, so I have an excuse.:)
I've been working as Junior Analyst at Carrots Consulting for seven days now, or a week and two days. Carrots Consulting may seem to have a strange name, and its small team may make it look like it's a tiny company, but it has big-name clients like Starhub, Singtel, PSA, SMRT, SPH, Singapore Airlines, among others. It's an HR consulting company, involved in salary-benchmarking and development of performance and reward structures for companies. I like the work I'm doing because I can see the application of my major, Statistics, in the field of finance and business. Admittedly though, the work is quite dry, but it's OK, I'm learning and having first-hand experience.
I haven't gotten bored yet, too, so it can't be bad at all. In fact, time flies while I'm at work. Can I actually be enjoying my internship? Haha.
Alright, time to sleep. I'll steal a shot of this lovely painting at the office sometime, and for sure I'll post the photo here.:)
Mama was never the type who would talk long with you on the phone (maybe she's worried about the phone bill, I don't know haha... and it was even me who was doing the calling), but you just know she keeps tabs on you, in an affectionate kind of way.
Now this isn't gonna be a cheesy entry, nope Sir, not at all. It's just another "Hello World" entry to update you guys what I've been up to. And of course, so that Ma will be a bit more pleased when she goes online. Hehe.
I've decided to upload some pictures instead. Haha. I'll upload the pictures from clubbing at Gotham Penthouse when cool partygirl Myriel uploads them on Multiply. (Myriel is unlikely to read this--but here's me intensely hoping/willing/sending off vibes to Myriel in the Philippines so she'd upload the pics soonest!) XD Hot photos there with me, Myriel, Karen, Nestor, Ferron, and Nestor's friend Jonas.:)
OK let's get it on with the photos I do have. The first of the more eventful things t
hat happened lately was of course THE END OF THE EXAMS. The exams happening is one thing, them actually ending is another event altogether, as far as I'm concerned.The first photo at the right isn't the usual look of my room OK -- it was a photo right after my last exam, Financial Mathematics. It was my sixth exam, and the most dreaded too. I think it was Karen (or me?) who said that one's room reflects a person's state of mind, so you can figure out from the photo how much sanity (and dead brain cells) I had left after six grueling exams.
[Room update: I've moved out of my favorite room 801 here at Tower Block of Ridge View Residences, and I'm here now at my friend Aaron's room, 806. It's been a major chore moving out and moving in, and tidying up the place while Aaron's back home in Malaysia, but it's all almost done now, so we just have to get used to it. Aaron and I are such cheapskates, we're sharing the room to split the outrageous $60/week cost of stay for the holidays. And for the record, I'll be sleeping on the floor when he arrives.]
After my last exam on May 2nd, I had lunch with Shirley, my Financial Maths buddy, and headed back to my room for a well-deserved nap. I watched a free musical at the Univ Cultural Centre with Joanne in the afternoon, dropped by the Forum to torture Karen who still had another exam left, and to say hi to Carina, Myriel and Ferron, and went back to my room to rest. Rest was essential because the next day would be my first day at work! (Yes it was no rest for Jose)
One of the perks of doing an internship at a consulting firm is that I get to wear yuppie clothes. Haha. Slacks and long-sleeved shirts. Now I have reason to go shop at G2000. There was a G2000 sale lately and I helped myself to a couple of shirts and pairs of slacks. The photo above wasn't taken on my first day at work though. It was taken on the day I went for the contract-signing, one of those days withing exam period. It was a quickie: they told me to go at 11am, I went there, signed the contract, and was off! By 12 noon I was back in NUS and was off to the library to mug again.I tried taking a full-body shot, but it didn't turn out so nice (Yes I also don't know if my camera has a timer!):
Anyway, I digress again. Yes yes it was the first day of work on May 3rd and of course I had to take photos before I left for Raffles Place.
This was fresh from the shower. I realized my hair isn't quite Prison Break anymore (hmmm shall I have another haircut?), so it was time for some wax.
No more full-body shots this time. Hehe.
Anyway it's getting late and I should turn in now if I want to be up on time tomorrow. I'll leave you with these photos I took at my workplace last Friday. My camera's beeps when I take a shot, so I couldn't take photos while my officemates were around. When they went for a project meeting at 7PM last Friday (official hours are until 630PM, but nobody ever moves at that time 'cos there's a lot of work to be done -- of course we interns can leave early but most of us prefer not to)
You can just tell it's my desk because of the multiple pens and highlighters, and well, what I like to call "organized mess". It works for me, you know. Hehe. It can be sparkling clean on other times of the day, but Friday was particularly heavy, so I have an excuse.:)I've been working as Junior Analyst at Carrots Consulting for seven days now, or a week and two days. Carrots Consulting may seem to have a strange name, and its small team may make it look like it's a tiny company, but it has big-name clients like Starhub, Singtel, PSA, SMRT, SPH, Singapore Airlines, among others. It's an HR consulting company, involved in salary-benchmarking and development of performance and reward structures for companies. I like the work I'm doing because I can see the application of my major, Statistics, in the field of finance and business. Admittedly though, the work is quite dry, but it's OK, I'm learning and having first-hand experience.
I haven't gotten bored yet, too, so it can't be bad at all. In fact, time flies while I'm at work. Can I actually be enjoying my internship? Haha.
Alright, time to sleep. I'll steal a shot of this lovely painting at the office sometime, and for sure I'll post the photo here.:)
Hello World!
Here's a quick holler to the blogosphere just to say Joseph is alive and well, and that an unblogged lot has happened since his last post. He'll update when he shakes off this nasty flu bug, and he gets a break from internship work during the weekend.
Joseph's feeling good tonight -- and he hasn't even toothbrushed nor showered yet! (Will do so in a minute Ma!)
Sweet dreams to you all!
Joseph's feeling good tonight -- and he hasn't even toothbrushed nor showered yet! (Will do so in a minute Ma!)
Sweet dreams to you all!
Joseph's World in Numbers
OK, Joseph has been conspicuously MIA in the blogosphere lately, but for good reason! Mugging season has long begun, and in fact, the exams have been streaming in! Woohooo.
I've been thinking of the exams as this series of random bullets fired away at all of us poor undergrads, and mugging (i.e. studying like crazy) has been our means of defense: crafting out formula sheets, reading and re-reading lectures and tutorials and scriobbling what I like to call 'power notes', and for those with film modules like me, watching movies (haha!) in our deeply concentrated efforts to create a protective intellectual armor (or force field if you like) that could withstand the onslaught of academic bullets during those fateful two-hour sessions in the exam hall. The longer and more intensive one mugs for his papers, the greater the odds he emerges out of the war unscathed.
But to come out unscathed is rather improbable, really, for mere mortals -- we can only hope to come out in good spirits, if at least alive, once the examiner announces his inevitable final words: Stop writing. The poor students flick their pens and pencils away and breathe a sigh of resignation, as the invigilators gather their spoils, or exam papers, rather.
But Joseph digresses. (In fact, this whole blog entry is a digression too actually) This is a blog entry about my current life and state of mind in numbers, and here goes.
6 exams for this semester, 3 of which are over, 3 more to go.
0 number of times Joseph will take six modules ever again, and 0 number of times he will take another fun English module :(. One can only complete a Minor in English Studies too soon, really. And besides, I took 7 English modules already, a module excess of the required 6.
1 internship interview Joseph went for, and 2 days after, he was hired! For 3 months he will be junior analyst at Carrots Consulting, a small firm with big-name local companies as clients. 800 buckaroos will be his compensation per month. Whee.
It will be 8 months before Joseph goes home to the Philippines, and it is the 1st time that he won't be home for about a year -- the longest time ever.
3.50 is the magic number, on which Joseph's Honours year, a.k.a. Year 4, depends, and if he had his way, he'd want to get as far as possible from this borderline.
Now this isn't a number, but Joseph got an A- for the painful EN3242 History of Film essay he wrote some weeks ago, so yey! Thank you Karen for helping me clarify my essay topic and helping to sort out the mess that was my original hazy and muddled argument. :D Thank you, Robert Altman and Jean Renoir, too, for making Gosford Park and The Rules of the Game, which served as the material of interest for my essay.
3241 and 3239 are the hardcore ST (Statistics) modules I'm taking in two days' time, so let the mugging and the panic resume!
Expect another blog entry again in, well, X days. Hee. Wish me luck for the exams!
I've been thinking of the exams as this series of random bullets fired away at all of us poor undergrads, and mugging (i.e. studying like crazy) has been our means of defense: crafting out formula sheets, reading and re-reading lectures and tutorials and scriobbling what I like to call 'power notes', and for those with film modules like me, watching movies (haha!) in our deeply concentrated efforts to create a protective intellectual armor (or force field if you like) that could withstand the onslaught of academic bullets during those fateful two-hour sessions in the exam hall. The longer and more intensive one mugs for his papers, the greater the odds he emerges out of the war unscathed.
But to come out unscathed is rather improbable, really, for mere mortals -- we can only hope to come out in good spirits, if at least alive, once the examiner announces his inevitable final words: Stop writing. The poor students flick their pens and pencils away and breathe a sigh of resignation, as the invigilators gather their spoils, or exam papers, rather.
But Joseph digresses. (In fact, this whole blog entry is a digression too actually) This is a blog entry about my current life and state of mind in numbers, and here goes.
6 exams for this semester, 3 of which are over, 3 more to go.
0 number of times Joseph will take six modules ever again, and 0 number of times he will take another fun English module :(. One can only complete a Minor in English Studies too soon, really. And besides, I took 7 English modules already, a module excess of the required 6.
1 internship interview Joseph went for, and 2 days after, he was hired! For 3 months he will be junior analyst at Carrots Consulting, a small firm with big-name local companies as clients. 800 buckaroos will be his compensation per month. Whee.
It will be 8 months before Joseph goes home to the Philippines, and it is the 1st time that he won't be home for about a year -- the longest time ever.
3.50 is the magic number, on which Joseph's Honours year, a.k.a. Year 4, depends, and if he had his way, he'd want to get as far as possible from this borderline.
Now this isn't a number, but Joseph got an A- for the painful EN3242 History of Film essay he wrote some weeks ago, so yey! Thank you Karen for helping me clarify my essay topic and helping to sort out the mess that was my original hazy and muddled argument. :D Thank you, Robert Altman and Jean Renoir, too, for making Gosford Park and The Rules of the Game, which served as the material of interest for my essay.
3241 and 3239 are the hardcore ST (Statistics) modules I'm taking in two days' time, so let the mugging and the panic resume!
Expect another blog entry again in, well, X days. Hee. Wish me luck for the exams!
Detachment
Detachment is the key to getting any work done.
:(
Joseph is swamped and stumped and stressed and sleepy. He's so tired he could sleep for a week. But no, he must conquer a mind-numbing ten-page film history essay, a statistics assignment involving hours at the lab, a group homework for linguistics class. Fortitude, Jose. Fortitude.
:(
Joseph is swamped and stumped and stressed and sleepy. He's so tired he could sleep for a week. But no, he must conquer a mind-numbing ten-page film history essay, a statistics assignment involving hours at the lab, a group homework for linguistics class. Fortitude, Jose. Fortitude.
Here come the blues
The time's 1:33AM, and I feel like giving myself some good ol' self-flagellation. I shall spare you the gory details, but suffice it to say that exams are in three weeks' time, and Joseph has not received any good news for the entire semester.
Lately he's been distracted too.. wandering around in Multiply and Friendster and Blogger and chitchatting on Yahoo Messenger. His batchmates and close friends in the Philippines are graduating (most of them at least), and he can't help but want to catch up with them before they disperse into the realm of the workplace -- if only to ask how they've been, if they're graduating at all, how they're dealing with the thought of graduation and all. Joseph has also tinkered with the html and CSS codes controlling layout and formatting of his Blogspot and Friendster and Multiply pages, thanks to his newly-installed Photoshop CS2, and Joseph's pleased for the most part, until he remembers he has used up precious mugging time.
But it's not all bad really. Sometimes Joseph can just be temperamental. One moment he's giddy and pleased with himself, the next moment he feels the world is on the verge of crashing down (it hasn't crashed yet, and thus the increased tension and panic).
I wanted to make a happy post, really, a few hours ago -- too bad happy moments tend to just fly by in an instant.
Oh well, thank God for therapy: chocolate, music, and Prison Break. And friends too.
Lately he's been distracted too.. wandering around in Multiply and Friendster and Blogger and chitchatting on Yahoo Messenger. His batchmates and close friends in the Philippines are graduating (most of them at least), and he can't help but want to catch up with them before they disperse into the realm of the workplace -- if only to ask how they've been, if they're graduating at all, how they're dealing with the thought of graduation and all. Joseph has also tinkered with the html and CSS codes controlling layout and formatting of his Blogspot and Friendster and Multiply pages, thanks to his newly-installed Photoshop CS2, and Joseph's pleased for the most part, until he remembers he has used up precious mugging time.
But it's not all bad really. Sometimes Joseph can just be temperamental. One moment he's giddy and pleased with himself, the next moment he feels the world is on the verge of crashing down (it hasn't crashed yet, and thus the increased tension and panic).
I wanted to make a happy post, really, a few hours ago -- too bad happy moments tend to just fly by in an instant.
Oh well, thank God for therapy: chocolate, music, and Prison Break. And friends too.
My Stupid Mouth
Tonight the NUS Choir performed at Amplitude (combined concert of the NUS hall choirs) as guest choir. I rushed off afterwards to attend Rohit's birthday celebration at my hostel. He's my friend Ivy's Indian boyfriend, he lives in the same floor as me (in fact the room I stay in currently was his room last year). Oh and I called my dear Lola Doding this morning. I love talking to my grandmas -- they always seem to just genuinely care. (I called home too, but nobody picked up... maybe they were at Church that time. I'll call some other time instead.=P ) So those are the highlights of today (or yesterday). Nothing much, really. I didn't get to study again and I'm beginning to get annoyed with myself.
* * *
The other night I made a semi-drastic decision. I had my hair shaved off. Ala Michael Scofield of Prison Break. Haha. I didn't do it because I'm such a fan of the show (although I really am), I did it for kicks. Actually it's more of an outward expression of a new change -- the time has come to shift gears and mug like crazy for the upcoming exams. Seriously, it's gonna be dangerous, and it's time to buck up.
My hair has gotten mixed reviews. Karen was stunned and said it's masculine and it's like I've gotten a shot of testosterone (of course she said this in a more "Karen" fashion and I'm just paraphrasing it to cushion the impact); Chun Fang of Choir couldn't help but rub my head every moment she gets; Xianling thinks it's sexy yehey; Kurien wants me to shave it all off instead of leaving some short short length of hair; Aaron realised that my head is triangle-shaped for the first time; Joanne thought it was nice; Yao Hsien calls me Scofield now; and Johannes went, "What did you do to your hair?" as soon as he saw me. Haha I don't care much, really. I like it, it's different, and some people like it -- and that's good enough for me.
* * *
My fellow bass in choir, Zhijin, is this fun and friendly guy from China who does a strange amusing thing: he slaps his face whenever he sings a wrong note. It's adorable really, it's quite cute. Here we are singing in rehearsals, and he suddenly just slaps himself. I could help but chuckle, haha that funny guy.
I'm saying this because I realise I've been talking a bit too much. I talk too fast, that's a given, but I also talk too much. I talk sometimes with less tact than others would expect, I talk crap and just humiliate myself really, I speak my mind at the expense of my dignity. On one hand, I am outspoken -- and that makes me feel good, that somehow I feel deserving of my post as editor of the Outspoken desk of The Ridge. It's good to be outspoken, this I'm absolutely sure of, but there are times too when the right, more prudent, thing to do is to shut up. As I've told newly-elected Choir President Aaron earlier this evening after a verbal spectacle, I've already ruffled some feathers, which is a good thing, but I think my ruffling-feathers time is up. Even in Rohit's party later after Amplitude, my big mouth got the better of me and I think I just embarrassed myself.
Maybe I should follow Zhijin and slap myself too, not when I sing wrong notes, but when I'm about to blurt out stuff that could very well be word vomit.
* * *
The other night I made a semi-drastic decision. I had my hair shaved off. Ala Michael Scofield of Prison Break. Haha. I didn't do it because I'm such a fan of the show (although I really am), I did it for kicks. Actually it's more of an outward expression of a new change -- the time has come to shift gears and mug like crazy for the upcoming exams. Seriously, it's gonna be dangerous, and it's time to buck up.
My hair has gotten mixed reviews. Karen was stunned and said it's masculine and it's like I've gotten a shot of testosterone (of course she said this in a more "Karen" fashion and I'm just paraphrasing it to cushion the impact); Chun Fang of Choir couldn't help but rub my head every moment she gets; Xianling thinks it's sexy yehey; Kurien wants me to shave it all off instead of leaving some short short length of hair; Aaron realised that my head is triangle-shaped for the first time; Joanne thought it was nice; Yao Hsien calls me Scofield now; and Johannes went, "What did you do to your hair?" as soon as he saw me. Haha I don't care much, really. I like it, it's different, and some people like it -- and that's good enough for me.
* * *
My fellow bass in choir, Zhijin, is this fun and friendly guy from China who does a strange amusing thing: he slaps his face whenever he sings a wrong note. It's adorable really, it's quite cute. Here we are singing in rehearsals, and he suddenly just slaps himself. I could help but chuckle, haha that funny guy.
I'm saying this because I realise I've been talking a bit too much. I talk too fast, that's a given, but I also talk too much. I talk sometimes with less tact than others would expect, I talk crap and just humiliate myself really, I speak my mind at the expense of my dignity. On one hand, I am outspoken -- and that makes me feel good, that somehow I feel deserving of my post as editor of the Outspoken desk of The Ridge. It's good to be outspoken, this I'm absolutely sure of, but there are times too when the right, more prudent, thing to do is to shut up. As I've told newly-elected Choir President Aaron earlier this evening after a verbal spectacle, I've already ruffled some feathers, which is a good thing, but I think my ruffling-feathers time is up. Even in Rohit's party later after Amplitude, my big mouth got the better of me and I think I just embarrassed myself.
Maybe I should follow Zhijin and slap myself too, not when I sing wrong notes, but when I'm about to blurt out stuff that could very well be word vomit.
Waiting for my rocket to come
So, where have my blue skies gone?
And so I remain... sitting, waiting, wishing, for that rocket to come.
Who knew that a film history essay could be so bloody painful?
And so I remain... sitting, waiting, wishing, for that rocket to come.
Who knew that a film history essay could be so bloody painful?
Wala Lang
Too many blogworthy events happened lately, and as usual, I haven't the time to blog.
I thought I'd mention the following in passing, by way of a short phrase, but it turned out much longer, so I'm making it a separate paragraph. The significant events were the memorable and enjoyable NUS Choir concert (small ensemble was the smallest group I sang in and with the biggest crowd), the interesting Choir elections earlier tonight (Congrats Aaron and Nadia, and I'm seriously gonna miss you Iris, Huai Zhi, Kurien and Joanne and the exchange students!), the Keng Khoon send-off at Changi airport last night (ex-Choir President is going to Germany for exchange), Karen's big break in the form of a Masters program on Infectious Diseases in Switzerland(!!), the application form of which I sent to Biopolis so she's especially thankful to me, my midterm tests and the stinging results (in large part because of carelessness), my movie marathon at Central Library waiting for that epiphany of a good essay topic for my Film History essay (I'm thinking of doing Robert Altman's Gosford Park and highlighting its parallel with Jean Renoir's The Rules of the Game, but the unanswered big question is: So what?), and that small proud moment when, after having answered a question posted by my Financial Mathematics lecturer in our tutorial class, and the lecturer said he wasn't satisfied, I spoke up, "But the answer is not wrong, Sir, right? It's not the best answer, but it satisfies all the conditions given by the question, so it can't be wrong. It can be improved, yes, but it's not wrong." (He smiled and wanted to answer, but since there was a similar question in the midterm, and a student was to take the make-up test that evening, he said he'll explain another time.)
So what is this post about again? I guess it's a wala lang post. "Wala lang" means "just nothing" in Filipino, and that's what this post is all about. Sort of a "just because" post -- you know, the sort that's of no particular pressing reason, but it's just there.
Joseph is exhausted now, but he wishes everyone well, especially the choir members he'll miss, the choir members who have just/will step up soon, the sad and disappointed, the dutiful ones who strive to do their best despite poor returns. God please give me strength to face the coming weeks -- it's gonna get bumpy from now on.
Gooood night, dear reader.
I thought I'd mention the following in passing, by way of a short phrase, but it turned out much longer, so I'm making it a separate paragraph. The significant events were the memorable and enjoyable NUS Choir concert (small ensemble was the smallest group I sang in and with the biggest crowd), the interesting Choir elections earlier tonight (Congrats Aaron and Nadia, and I'm seriously gonna miss you Iris, Huai Zhi, Kurien and Joanne and the exchange students!), the Keng Khoon send-off at Changi airport last night (ex-Choir President is going to Germany for exchange), Karen's big break in the form of a Masters program on Infectious Diseases in Switzerland(!!), the application form of which I sent to Biopolis so she's especially thankful to me, my midterm tests and the stinging results (in large part because of carelessness), my movie marathon at Central Library waiting for that epiphany of a good essay topic for my Film History essay (I'm thinking of doing Robert Altman's Gosford Park and highlighting its parallel with Jean Renoir's The Rules of the Game, but the unanswered big question is: So what?), and that small proud moment when, after having answered a question posted by my Financial Mathematics lecturer in our tutorial class, and the lecturer said he wasn't satisfied, I spoke up, "But the answer is not wrong, Sir, right? It's not the best answer, but it satisfies all the conditions given by the question, so it can't be wrong. It can be improved, yes, but it's not wrong." (He smiled and wanted to answer, but since there was a similar question in the midterm, and a student was to take the make-up test that evening, he said he'll explain another time.)
So what is this post about again? I guess it's a wala lang post. "Wala lang" means "just nothing" in Filipino, and that's what this post is all about. Sort of a "just because" post -- you know, the sort that's of no particular pressing reason, but it's just there.
Joseph is exhausted now, but he wishes everyone well, especially the choir members he'll miss, the choir members who have just/will step up soon, the sad and disappointed, the dutiful ones who strive to do their best despite poor returns. God please give me strength to face the coming weeks -- it's gonna get bumpy from now on.
Gooood night, dear reader.
Agent Tomato
My longtime friend Agent Tomato has been scolding me just now. He says I've been acting childish and emo and immature. He'd get me a lollipop too if that's the only way to pacify me.
Nope, I said. It's bad enough I've been making a mountain out of a mole hill, I'll try to grow up on my own.
But really, what's the fuss about? It's just another much-ado-about-nothing case.
Anyway nice to know you're back Agent T. Those were happy days of long ago!
Nope, I said. It's bad enough I've been making a mountain out of a mole hill, I'll try to grow up on my own.
But really, what's the fuss about? It's just another much-ado-about-nothing case.
Anyway nice to know you're back Agent T. Those were happy days of long ago!
Found and Lost again
I found my lost tickets! Yey. Thanks for the concern everyone, thanks to Johni for helping me locate the missing file, and to my dear Ma and Dad for sending me encouraging messages via SMS or email. Thanks too to those who just knew and trusted that I would find the tickets. Sometimes I worry too much and don't trust enough.
* * *
Sometimes too I trust too much. I don't know whether this is just me being overacting and emo, but it sucks when one is disillusioned -- whether it's a belief in self, a belief in something or someone or a belief in those lofty intangibles like friendship and love and family.
It's pretty mundane, really, and it's not worth posting here. *Joseph thinks twice whether to mention it or not and decides he's saying it regardless* It's about hotel room assignment in the choir competition in Pattaya, Thailand in July. This morning, we had to choose our roommates as there would be four persons sharing a room.
I thought I had considered this small group of basses to be my good friends over the past year/s, and I had naturally thought I'd be sharing a room with them. After all, four is quite a big number and there's a lot of leeway.
Oh well, suffice it to say I have still yet to find my roommates.
Anybody from choir who reads this don't mention it to them basses OK.
Maybe it's a good thing too. It's time we all get disillusioned, really, to allow us to view reality in sharp detail. I'm not friendless anyway. Besides, why should I be surprised really? This has happened so many times to me before, even before Choir, even before Singapore.
Also, I've been too high-strung and irritable lately because of the work I have to do for my extra-curriculars and school, so maybe I haven't been much fun company, and yeah, sometimes I even feel I should detach myself from the world so I don't spread my misery.
Still I feel that, precisely because of the sorry state I'm in, that I need my friends the most. That's why I thoroughly appreciate my other friends now, and of course my family, even if you all are thousands of miles away.
* * *
Financial mathematics has this ability to make me feel stupid. I'm making progress, yes, but Monday is nearing so quickly, I'm not sure I have enough energy and happy thoughts and brain reserves in my knapsack to keep me going.
* * *
I met Sgt. Pepper today again. He was reaching for his back with his fingers.
"I'm massaging myself," he said. "Nobody would do it for me otherwise."
I offered him a bar of Cadbury chocolate (The Gift of Happiness, said the box of 8 bars), and some Ferrero Rocher. It was all good and yummy, until we ran out.
* * *
Sometimes too I trust too much. I don't know whether this is just me being overacting and emo, but it sucks when one is disillusioned -- whether it's a belief in self, a belief in something or someone or a belief in those lofty intangibles like friendship and love and family.
It's pretty mundane, really, and it's not worth posting here. *Joseph thinks twice whether to mention it or not and decides he's saying it regardless* It's about hotel room assignment in the choir competition in Pattaya, Thailand in July. This morning, we had to choose our roommates as there would be four persons sharing a room.
I thought I had considered this small group of basses to be my good friends over the past year/s, and I had naturally thought I'd be sharing a room with them. After all, four is quite a big number and there's a lot of leeway.
Oh well, suffice it to say I have still yet to find my roommates.
Anybody from choir who reads this don't mention it to them basses OK.
Maybe it's a good thing too. It's time we all get disillusioned, really, to allow us to view reality in sharp detail. I'm not friendless anyway. Besides, why should I be surprised really? This has happened so many times to me before, even before Choir, even before Singapore.
Also, I've been too high-strung and irritable lately because of the work I have to do for my extra-curriculars and school, so maybe I haven't been much fun company, and yeah, sometimes I even feel I should detach myself from the world so I don't spread my misery.
Still I feel that, precisely because of the sorry state I'm in, that I need my friends the most. That's why I thoroughly appreciate my other friends now, and of course my family, even if you all are thousands of miles away.
* * *
Financial mathematics has this ability to make me feel stupid. I'm making progress, yes, but Monday is nearing so quickly, I'm not sure I have enough energy and happy thoughts and brain reserves in my knapsack to keep me going.
* * *
I met Sgt. Pepper today again. He was reaching for his back with his fingers.
"I'm massaging myself," he said. "Nobody would do it for me otherwise."
I offered him a bar of Cadbury chocolate (The Gift of Happiness, said the box of 8 bars), and some Ferrero Rocher. It was all good and yummy, until we ran out.
Lost
Sigh.
As Secretary of the Choir and Head of Marketing, I've been working my ass off spamming, faxing, calling churches, schools and companies to either buy tickets for the concert or
advertise in our concert booklet. (And as I've mentioned, this is taking its toll on my studies.)
Now guess what. I was looking for the tickets I took out and "sold" to friends (although I haven't physically given them the tix yet), and realized that the Freshmen Inauguration Ceremony file I have, the one I thought I placed the tickets in, is not mine after all. I swapped with this guy from tenor, based on some random sheets of paper slotted inside.
And it sucks even more because aside from my seven tickets, I also stored (plan was temporarily) Choir VP Aaron's five tickets there too.
So yes, my file is lost, the tickets are lost, and if I don't find them soon, I may have to pay
12 x $10.60 (early bird tix) = a lot of money I can't afford to stupidly lose. What's more, there are no more early bird tickets, so I'd have to rely on the good graces of those I sold the early bird tix so they'd be willing to pay the standard ticket price $13. (Don't worry, guys, I'll do my best to find the lost ones.)
Haaay. Ironic that I have to pay a fortune for this blunder after all the shit I've been doing to promote the concert.
God please tell me this is just one joke, and it's soon gonna be over. :(
As Secretary of the Choir and Head of Marketing, I've been working my ass off spamming, faxing, calling churches, schools and companies to either buy tickets for the concert or
advertise in our concert booklet. (And as I've mentioned, this is taking its toll on my studies.)
Now guess what. I was looking for the tickets I took out and "sold" to friends (although I haven't physically given them the tix yet), and realized that the Freshmen Inauguration Ceremony file I have, the one I thought I placed the tickets in, is not mine after all. I swapped with this guy from tenor, based on some random sheets of paper slotted inside.
And it sucks even more because aside from my seven tickets, I also stored (plan was temporarily) Choir VP Aaron's five tickets there too.
So yes, my file is lost, the tickets are lost, and if I don't find them soon, I may have to pay
12 x $10.60 (early bird tix) = a lot of money I can't afford to stupidly lose. What's more, there are no more early bird tickets, so I'd have to rely on the good graces of those I sold the early bird tix so they'd be willing to pay the standard ticket price $13. (Don't worry, guys, I'll do my best to find the lost ones.)
Haaay. Ironic that I have to pay a fortune for this blunder after all the shit I've been doing to promote the concert.
God please tell me this is just one joke, and it's soon gonna be over. :(
Send it up
I'm really at my wit's end right now, and I can't believe I'm still busy with Choir stuff when I really should be studying for my midterm tests next week.
It's just so draining sometimes and it's very tempting to give up. I also realized that the fate of my possible Honours Year next year depends largely on my performance in Monday's Financial Maths test, which constitutes 40% of the grade. I'm scared shit during tutorials, because a lot of the problems I cannot do, and the lecturer seems to assume that the students already know what he considers "straightforward" and "trivial" matters.
I sincerely pray that God will help me, and I be in the proper disposition to study and absorb the content of my lecture notes and tutorial sheets.
My parents have been urging me to drop my CCAs, but I counter that the extra-curricular work will be over soon, so I'm just hanging in there. This decision doesn't give me any more time to study though.
I know I should just send it all up -- offer these challenges to Him while doing my best to overcome the hurdles that come my way. And I think I'll do just that.
It's just so draining sometimes and it's very tempting to give up. I also realized that the fate of my possible Honours Year next year depends largely on my performance in Monday's Financial Maths test, which constitutes 40% of the grade. I'm scared shit during tutorials, because a lot of the problems I cannot do, and the lecturer seems to assume that the students already know what he considers "straightforward" and "trivial" matters.
I sincerely pray that God will help me, and I be in the proper disposition to study and absorb the content of my lecture notes and tutorial sheets.
My parents have been urging me to drop my CCAs, but I counter that the extra-curricular work will be over soon, so I'm just hanging in there. This decision doesn't give me any more time to study though.
I know I should just send it all up -- offer these challenges to Him while doing my best to overcome the hurdles that come my way. And I think I'll do just that.
Catching Up
Woohooo what do you know, a surprise post from me.
Wow it's been incredibly busy the past weeks and it's not gonna slow down anytime soon, but Jose's catching up baby. I've been overwhelmed the past few weeks -- overwhelmed with a lot of work, then overwhelmed with Nothing, which in turn led to a more thoroughly overwhelmed me most recently.
But I'm catching up soon you guys. I've done SO MUCH WORK for NUS Choir today I ought to get paid. Seriously. You know you're doing too much secretary work when the idea of an airconditioned office and cubicles and fax machines and PCs and swivel chairs on wheels suddenly seem a little bit more appealing to you. It's not a bad thing too, really.
Anyway the thing that's nagging me, really, is my collective schoolwork, which will take a more vicious and aggressive stance in the form of three midterm tests, beginning Monday. The scariest test is Financial Mathematics, and I have yet to gather enough intellectual weaponry to overcome it. But as I've said, I'm catching up. :)
I also wanna do some catch-up with people -- even my birthday greeters from two weeks back! Bad Joseph even missed to thank some of you. I will, I will. The friends who messaged me on Friendster or Multiply or via SMS or even in person, yes I'll catch up with you all. My family too, how're you all doing? :)
A lot has been happening, and I haven't even recounted what happened on my birthday yet. Anyway, I'm taking it in stride, I'm gaining little victories every day (however mundane), and it's gonna be all perfectly fine in two or three weeks' time.
I should be pissed really, for being swamped and sandwiched and trapped, but I'm making the rational choice to play Mr. Brightside. Maybe it's an Ash Wednesday thing -- I'm beginning to find joy in sacrifice.
Have a blessed Ash Wednesday to you all.
P.S.
Joseph was elected last week as Executive Editor for Features (encompassing Outspoken, Transmedia, and Lifestyle desks) of The Ridge. I assume the new position (from being Outspoken Editor) beginning next academic year. Haha, does that mean I have to do Honours Year now?
Wow it's been incredibly busy the past weeks and it's not gonna slow down anytime soon, but Jose's catching up baby. I've been overwhelmed the past few weeks -- overwhelmed with a lot of work, then overwhelmed with Nothing, which in turn led to a more thoroughly overwhelmed me most recently.
But I'm catching up soon you guys. I've done SO MUCH WORK for NUS Choir today I ought to get paid. Seriously. You know you're doing too much secretary work when the idea of an airconditioned office and cubicles and fax machines and PCs and swivel chairs on wheels suddenly seem a little bit more appealing to you. It's not a bad thing too, really.
Anyway the thing that's nagging me, really, is my collective schoolwork, which will take a more vicious and aggressive stance in the form of three midterm tests, beginning Monday. The scariest test is Financial Mathematics, and I have yet to gather enough intellectual weaponry to overcome it. But as I've said, I'm catching up. :)
I also wanna do some catch-up with people -- even my birthday greeters from two weeks back! Bad Joseph even missed to thank some of you. I will, I will. The friends who messaged me on Friendster or Multiply or via SMS or even in person, yes I'll catch up with you all. My family too, how're you all doing? :)
A lot has been happening, and I haven't even recounted what happened on my birthday yet. Anyway, I'm taking it in stride, I'm gaining little victories every day (however mundane), and it's gonna be all perfectly fine in two or three weeks' time.
I should be pissed really, for being swamped and sandwiched and trapped, but I'm making the rational choice to play Mr. Brightside. Maybe it's an Ash Wednesday thing -- I'm beginning to find joy in sacrifice.
Have a blessed Ash Wednesday to you all.
P.S.
Joseph was elected last week as Executive Editor for Features (encompassing Outspoken, Transmedia, and Lifestyle desks) of The Ridge. I assume the new position (from being Outspoken Editor) beginning next academic year. Haha, does that mean I have to do Honours Year now?
Not the Birthday Post
To paraphrase what I had mentioned many times before, the "eventfulness" of an event isn't measured by the presence or absence of blog entry to chronicle it, especially in this age when the great issues of the world can be given equal blog treatment as the mundane.
While I still believe that, I'm making an exception. I believe that one's birthday -- a person's own space and time of all the days of a year -- must be treated with enough attention and regard that it is rendered "blogworthy", even if it is mentioned only in passing.
That's why it saddens me that I haven't found the time to blog about my 21st birthday. It's a combination of fatigue, laziness, distraction, and just the good old CCA and School work that's been keeping me busy.
It was a happy day, though, February 8th. I thought it would rival last year as the worst birthday ever (OK that's slightly an exaggeration, but only slightly), and it did, for a while, until my friends and family came to save the day, in various methods of communicating their presence. I appreciate it all.
I'll write a proper blog entry for that day, it really depends, in large part, to The Ridge, NUS Choir, and Financial Mathematics and my five other modules.
While I still believe that, I'm making an exception. I believe that one's birthday -- a person's own space and time of all the days of a year -- must be treated with enough attention and regard that it is rendered "blogworthy", even if it is mentioned only in passing.
That's why it saddens me that I haven't found the time to blog about my 21st birthday. It's a combination of fatigue, laziness, distraction, and just the good old CCA and School work that's been keeping me busy.
It was a happy day, though, February 8th. I thought it would rival last year as the worst birthday ever (OK that's slightly an exaggeration, but only slightly), and it did, for a while, until my friends and family came to save the day, in various methods of communicating their presence. I appreciate it all.
I'll write a proper blog entry for that day, it really depends, in large part, to The Ridge, NUS Choir, and Financial Mathematics and my five other modules.
Mr. Brightside
"If anything," Sgt. Pepper was telling me earlier tonight, "this whole experience has taught me to appreciate myself more, to find solace in solitude, to hang on to those to whom I matter, to take more notice of what I am capable of (never mind whatever else), and to be more keenly aware of the presence of God."
Well said. Your rainy days will just be miserable if you don't find anything to be joyful and thankful for, really. I wish you happy days, Sgt. Pepper.
Ma sent me an email to say, among a few other things, that my granduncle Lolo Gario passed away a few days ago. He and his brother, my own grandfather Lolo Yoyong, who had passed away in 2001, were very close, and they had nothing but the fondest memories of each other. Mama was saying that she could imagine them having a good time in heaven right about now, and I guess that's the way to look at it.
I visited Lolo Gario in my short trip to the Philippines in December. He lived an hour away from my Davao City, and their extended home was most accommodating to me and my grandma. He was not in good health, though; he had then just suffered a stroke, he was thin, his speech had turned mostly unintelligible.
(Photo: [counterclockwise] Lolo Gario, his sister Lola Ime, his grandson and my cousin Tyron, Lola Gloria his wife, and my Lola Doding)
We were never really close, really. I seldom met him. But he was family, he had this peculiar familial warmth about him when we met, and I can't help but be a bit sad. Say hi to Lolo Yoyong for me, Lolo Gario. :)
Well said. Your rainy days will just be miserable if you don't find anything to be joyful and thankful for, really. I wish you happy days, Sgt. Pepper.
Ma sent me an email to say, among a few other things, that my granduncle Lolo Gario passed away a few days ago. He and his brother, my own grandfather Lolo Yoyong, who had passed away in 2001, were very close, and they had nothing but the fondest memories of each other. Mama was saying that she could imagine them having a good time in heaven right about now, and I guess that's the way to look at it.
I visited Lolo Gario in my short trip to the Philippines in December. He lived an hour away from my Davao City, and their extended home was most accommodating to me and my grandma. He was not in good health, though; he had then just suffered a stroke, he was thin, his speech had turned mostly unintelligible.
We were never really close, really. I seldom met him. But he was family, he had this peculiar familial warmth about him when we met, and I can't help but be a bit sad. Say hi to Lolo Yoyong for me, Lolo Gario. :)
Sgt. Pepper
I was walking one night when a little man called me.
"I've been following you around. Fix me, I'm broken," he said.
And that's how I met Sgt. Pepper.
"I've been following you around. Fix me, I'm broken," he said.
And that's how I met Sgt. Pepper.
Shut Up and Smile Pt. 1
It's been an incredibly exhausting week, and I'm beginning to feel the stress of taking 6 modules (5 of which are level 3000, and thus far, one of them has stunned me and left me gaping in horror at my sheer empty-headedness), being an editor for The Ridge and in-charge of lugging around brand new Ridge stands, and being NUS Choir Secretary and head of marketing for our upcoming concert.
I won't detail those here, and I feel what deserve a blog post are the bright sparks and good news of the past week.
Let's start with the most recent. Korinna's birthday on Monday cheered me up. 21 is a big step if you ask me (a scary one too), and I felt that this particular birthday deserved special attention. I don't usually give gifts to people (maybe because I can be a real cheapskate), but for Korinna I knew just what to give her, one that was free too.
See, Korinna is this pretty girl who performed for this NUS Rag Day 2005 for Kent Ridge Hall (Rag Day is a colorful event of big floats and costumes and dances), and this got her face plastered in the official NUS Centennial Roving Exhibition poster, among other Centennial celebrations publicity materials. In the Med Library where I frequently use the computers, I have, for the longest time, been eyeing this A3-size Centennial poster just above the PC terminals, and knew that Kor would want to have it. I never quite had the guts to ask the librarian for the poster, until last Sunday. I waited for the place to clear up when closing time that afternoon neared, and waited for a librarian to come by and tidy the PC cluster. Her first response was that sorry, she cannot give the poster because it was NUS, not the Med Lib, who installed the poster in the first place. It was an official NUS poster after all. I mentioned that I needed it for a friend, and she still refused, citing the same reason. I almost gave up but pressed on, saying that the poster was more than a year out-of-date, and my friend (I pointed to Korinna in her confident pose in the poster) was celebrating her birthday. She finally relented, and yahoo I went back with the poster in hand, never mind if the top and bottom parts were a bit spoilt by the masking tape used to stick it.
Anyway to make a long story short, I could tell Kor appreciated it, and even mentioned that her Dad would probably have it framed even. :) And, after reading Korinna's blog, I'm just mighty glad that I had some degree of participation in making a turnaround from what she initially thought was her "worst birthday ever". She's happy. I'm happy too for contributing to that. Plus I had free lunch too. Hehe.
* * *
OK, I'm suddenly busy again. I'll carry on with Part 2 of this post next time.
And oh, the title is this cool fun song by Bowling for Soup. Another line in the song goes, All we need is an ice cream and a hug. Well said you punk rockers.=)
I won't detail those here, and I feel what deserve a blog post are the bright sparks and good news of the past week.
Let's start with the most recent. Korinna's birthday on Monday cheered me up. 21 is a big step if you ask me (a scary one too), and I felt that this particular birthday deserved special attention. I don't usually give gifts to people (maybe because I can be a real cheapskate), but for Korinna I knew just what to give her, one that was free too.
See, Korinna is this pretty girl who performed for this NUS Rag Day 2005 for Kent Ridge Hall (Rag Day is a colorful event of big floats and costumes and dances), and this got her face plastered in the official NUS Centennial Roving Exhibition poster, among other Centennial celebrations publicity materials. In the Med Library where I frequently use the computers, I have, for the longest time, been eyeing this A3-size Centennial poster just above the PC terminals, and knew that Kor would want to have it. I never quite had the guts to ask the librarian for the poster, until last Sunday. I waited for the place to clear up when closing time that afternoon neared, and waited for a librarian to come by and tidy the PC cluster. Her first response was that sorry, she cannot give the poster because it was NUS, not the Med Lib, who installed the poster in the first place. It was an official NUS poster after all. I mentioned that I needed it for a friend, and she still refused, citing the same reason. I almost gave up but pressed on, saying that the poster was more than a year out-of-date, and my friend (I pointed to Korinna in her confident pose in the poster) was celebrating her birthday. She finally relented, and yahoo I went back with the poster in hand, never mind if the top and bottom parts were a bit spoilt by the masking tape used to stick it.
Anyway to make a long story short, I could tell Kor appreciated it, and even mentioned that her Dad would probably have it framed even. :) And, after reading Korinna's blog, I'm just mighty glad that I had some degree of participation in making a turnaround from what she initially thought was her "worst birthday ever". She's happy. I'm happy too for contributing to that. Plus I had free lunch too. Hehe.
* * *
OK, I'm suddenly busy again. I'll carry on with Part 2 of this post next time.
And oh, the title is this cool fun song by Bowling for Soup. Another line in the song goes, All we need is an ice cream and a hug. Well said you punk rockers.=)
Happiness
Happiness is feeling the presence of friends and family, no matter the means or proximity.
It's knowing you matter to those who matter to you, and forgetting to care for those who don't reciprocate.
Happy days ahead. And clubbing therapy tonight, too. Yeah baby.
It's knowing you matter to those who matter to you, and forgetting to care for those who don't reciprocate.
Happy days ahead. And clubbing therapy tonight, too. Yeah baby.
The Boat is Sinking
To describe what I'm feeling now, maybe I can refer you to the Beatles' classic Yesterday. I dunno what's gotten into me, really, but it's this lingering sort of melancholy, too diffuse I can't quite pin it down and give it a name or attribute it to something I can fix.
I can tell you a few things though. That I'm lonely (then again maybe it's just the weather). That I feel others don't respect me as much they used to (if they even did so at all). I don't think people treat me seriously. That I am stressed (what's new, those of you who know me may ask), as this is the heaviest semester of all my almost 4 years here in NUS. And then some.
Add all of them up and you have me -- a Joseph who's constantly carrying some sort of weight on his chest. I sure hope this is not depression, especially that of the clinical sort.
OK bye.
P.S. I may have to rethink my privacy settings with this increasingly personal tone of my rather embarrassing posts.
I can tell you a few things though. That I'm lonely (then again maybe it's just the weather). That I feel others don't respect me as much they used to (if they even did so at all). I don't think people treat me seriously. That I am stressed (what's new, those of you who know me may ask), as this is the heaviest semester of all my almost 4 years here in NUS. And then some.
Add all of them up and you have me -- a Joseph who's constantly carrying some sort of weight on his chest. I sure hope this is not depression, especially that of the clinical sort.
OK bye.
P.S. I may have to rethink my privacy settings with this increasingly personal tone of my rather embarrassing posts.
New Year, New Me, and a New Blog
This year is gonna see a new and improved Joseph. I've started doing some "housekeeping" on several levels (the literal sort I did last night, although I can't figure out how to rearrange my shelves and tables), and Project New Joseph is kicking off. The transition's more bumpy than I thought, but it's there, it's on its way.
There's a new Blogger/Blogspot too. It's so much easier and more user-friendly. New blog template, really, not exactly a new blog. It's one of those templates prepared by Blogger itself, so it's not as customized as the previous ones. Well, new sem has kicked off too, and Joseph hasn't got much time. But there's a new name, though. Not sure I like it too much, but, between you and me, Joseph has really been talking to himself lately. I think it's fine, really, although I can reveal that he's not in the cheerfulest of moods right about now. Maybe it's the weather.
He's gonna be talking a bit more to himself through this blog, though, of that he's sure. Some people don't quite get him and think him weird, so while he still interacts with people who understand and those who don't, he has decided to blog more, if only to save his sanity.
And oh yeah, you might have guessed so, but lately Joseph doesn't quite distinguish between "he" and "I". While this may be bad in an English essay, in a conversation with self it is absolutely fine.
Good night.
There's a new Blogger/Blogspot too. It's so much easier and more user-friendly. New blog template, really, not exactly a new blog. It's one of those templates prepared by Blogger itself, so it's not as customized as the previous ones. Well, new sem has kicked off too, and Joseph hasn't got much time. But there's a new name, though. Not sure I like it too much, but, between you and me, Joseph has really been talking to himself lately. I think it's fine, really, although I can reveal that he's not in the cheerfulest of moods right about now. Maybe it's the weather.
He's gonna be talking a bit more to himself through this blog, though, of that he's sure. Some people don't quite get him and think him weird, so while he still interacts with people who understand and those who don't, he has decided to blog more, if only to save his sanity.
And oh yeah, you might have guessed so, but lately Joseph doesn't quite distinguish between "he" and "I". While this may be bad in an English essay, in a conversation with self it is absolutely fine.
Good night.
Must-Blog
Must-Blog
Hi. I'm back in Singapore, and as much as the holidays in the Philippines were eventful, I didn't feel the need to blog them (or maybe because Internet was slow because of the Taiwan earthquake). Whether I blog the events or not doesn't mean anything anyway, in this time when the significant and the mundane can be given equal blog treatment. About my holidays, suffice it to say that it had been one of my happiest, really--at least that's what I told my friends in my high school reunion. I meant it too; after the chaos that was last semester (and the sem before that), being home laughing and going out and staying in and spending time with those who matter to me was a divine treat.
I'm too busy right now really, and yes I shouldn't be blogging, but I distinctly promised myself this morning to blog tonight.
This is what I want to say: I miss the Philippines and the warmth that my dear family and friends bring. Singapore is only warmer because it's closer to the equator.
I shouldn't be negative and pessimistic, really, but maybe it's the potent combination of work and stress and schoolwork and extracurriculars and fresh-away-from-home-ness so early in the semester and year that's gotten into me.
Whatever it is, I felt the need to blog tonight, and I did. It feels good to let it out.
And oh yeah, thanks Karen for saving me a trip to the shrink. Teehee. Thanks for listening too Xianling--I appreciate it a lot. And haha, I caught you online again, Kerwin.. and you're too happy!:) Take care you guys.
Hi. I'm back in Singapore, and as much as the holidays in the Philippines were eventful, I didn't feel the need to blog them (or maybe because Internet was slow because of the Taiwan earthquake). Whether I blog the events or not doesn't mean anything anyway, in this time when the significant and the mundane can be given equal blog treatment. About my holidays, suffice it to say that it had been one of my happiest, really--at least that's what I told my friends in my high school reunion. I meant it too; after the chaos that was last semester (and the sem before that), being home laughing and going out and staying in and spending time with those who matter to me was a divine treat.
I'm too busy right now really, and yes I shouldn't be blogging, but I distinctly promised myself this morning to blog tonight.
This is what I want to say: I miss the Philippines and the warmth that my dear family and friends bring. Singapore is only warmer because it's closer to the equator.
I shouldn't be negative and pessimistic, really, but maybe it's the potent combination of work and stress and schoolwork and extracurriculars and fresh-away-from-home-ness so early in the semester and year that's gotten into me.
Whatever it is, I felt the need to blog tonight, and I did. It feels good to let it out.
And oh yeah, thanks Karen for saving me a trip to the shrink. Teehee. Thanks for listening too Xianling--I appreciate it a lot. And haha, I caught you online again, Kerwin.. and you're too happy!:) Take care you guys.
