Good intentions

I was about to title this post "Stream of consciousness", but I realize I've already used that in a two-year-old post. Ever easily distracted, I read through it, and it amuses me that some things never quite change.

I'm finding it hard to accept criticism, and that's a fault I need to fix. It's a qualified sort of statement, actually, as there are just a few buttons I don't like being pushed. Push them even half-jokingly, and I'll feel bad. It's not a conscious thing; it just happens. Anyway, it's no big deal, really, but expect me to be "off" for a while.

I remember my high school academic archnemesis Steph (and secretly one of my favorite persons all in the platonic space) saying I'm fun to annoy, you just need to know which buttons to push. Haha touché. It's true, I think. Some buttons you can push over and over again, and I wouldn't mind at all. Lol you can call me PFY (thanks or no thanks to you Clint ex-birthday boy), and I wouldn't care so much. Oh, what irks me is if you accuse me of something I sincerely know in my heart is untrue (bias notwithstanding). That will set me off.

What's the difference between 22 and 20? Joseph v.2006 and Joseph v.2008? Same same but different. But same same. Kulit.

What I think the current Joseph v.2008 has figured out (or is finally aware of, thank heavens), is that he's more a critic-er (i.e. critic) than critic-ee. That's not a very good thing, but I guess it shows, I think I'm a better editor than a writer. I'm working on the receiving end bit.

Hmm then again, aren't we all? For all of us, I think it's so much easier to fault others than admit to our own faults. Haha Joseph, remember two things: You are special; you are not special.


* * *

The thing about being critical, is that I apply it across the board. If I'm critical of others, oh you can imagine how critical I am of myself. When it gets too much, I quote my Be-Good-to-Self policy, and it's fine again.

* * *

I've been itching to blog every day since last week, but whoa was it one long week at the office! For starters, Ferron's prophecy came true, finally, that in the course of my stay at the Deep Blue Sea, I'd go home at 10:30pm. We were preparing this report as a team, and just had to finish that section, so we all left at 10:20pm. At least there was free dinner, and I had my Benz taxi ride home reimbursed.

Finally yesterday we submitted a good draft of our report, and it's bound to cause some stir. I'm half-fearful and half-praying the numbers I crunched are correct, the online system which I cross-checked and helped develop, churned out the right numbers, as the worst thing would be for the affected parties to dispute the numbers-based claims in the report, and it would point to me.

But nah, my M-O boss and my Hairy Monster boss are particularly careful, especially in a report that's quite a loaded gun.

* * *

The report got me thinking about three things: good intentions, integrity, and the CYA principle. I feel utmost sympathy for people who do things with the best and purest of intentions, but unfortunately that can only lead so far. And sometimes we just have to make the tough call of policing, as part of keeping integrity. And the CYA, i.e. Cover-Your-Ass principle, is all-encompassing: for the do-gooders, for the do-badders, for the good-intentioned do-badders, even for the police.

Of the three things, if I had to choose one, I'd choose good intentions. It may get me in trouble, or at least I'd rub people the wrong way thanks to my poor judgment or my lack of tact or the fact that I'm slightly overcritical, or maybe it won't cause me trouble at all, but that's how the Joseph I know currently thinks. My image as Resident Evil may counter this point, and, well, I can't refute that. Haha.

And yes, I'm aware that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, as they say. See you there, suckers. (I just had to say that.)

* * *

Further proof that Joseph v.2008 is essentially same as Joseph v.2006 or heck, Joseph v.1986: I still delight in my simple things. Haha, like cheese, mango, and bacon. Like small smile, small talk, old friends. Like unexpected favorite song playing on radio or mp3 player. Like boss-given free Starbucks mocha frap and self-paid $10 bacon melt sandwich. Haha. But my real point is this, below. I opened the file one morning and it made me smile. Haha.

Yes, consistent with my grade school and high school image, fine I'm still a geek. Haha.

Mmmm Saturday! Long day today, let's go.