Under the weather

There are good days, and then there are bad days.

Sometime ago I had a run of good days, and as with other good days – when they’re good, they’re very good. In fact, I was too high on these series of surprisingly good days that I posted on my Facebook status message the other day that “someday, I’ll look back on these past days, weeks, and even months with incredible fondness.” I meant it too.

No sooner than I had posted that apparently something happened. Nothing mystical, it’s just that apparently that was the cue for the end of my lucky streak. I don’t know – maybe all this is just a product of an active imagination. But my feelings can’t lie, can they? And today I feel under the weather and in over my head. Out of sorts and indisposed. (Haha I love how there could be a host of prepositions in those past two sentences but I digress)

Aiyoh. I feel a certain restlessness, an inconvenient discomfort, a tingling annoyance, although perhaps irrational, perhaps unwarranted. Sigh. Why do I feel so funny? Maybe I’m just overwhelmed by a sudden realisation that this and that and that some more have been stacking up and taking its toll on me subconsciously over the past weeks. Maybe I’m really the absorptive type who inadvertently sucks all the energies around me like a sponge – and lately they haven’t been very good energies too. Or of course, these could very well just be convenient excuses masking whatever that thing in the chest is complaining about. Be still lah you.

And Joseph being self-correcting and self-censoring and self-help-ing (apparently my fascination for the ‘othering of the self’ a few years back is still in place!), a quote by Rainer Maria Rilke comes to mind.

"Have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves ... Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps, then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

Try a little patience, Jose.