Let the truth sting

Let it sting. Feel the numbness and pain for a while; that's the only way to heal.

I hated having to lie to M thrice about the Deep Blue Sea thing. Sorry man, I hope you understand. But it was the timing, I couldn't tell you sooner. I dunno, it's this sticky situation where I was torn between telling the truth and cushioning the blow while factoring in the circumstances during the time. Anyway, I told the truth finally, and although I think he's still slightly bothered about it (i.e. the truth still stings), my conscience is clear now, and it's all gonna be fine for everyone.

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One of the perks having to address myself in the third person is that I can berate myself (or him) without feeling too self-deprecating. Whatever, right. That sentence didn't even seem to make sense. Maybe the real reason is that it allows me a perspective that's detached and objective, never mind if there's a bit of denial there. In any case, sometimes things just work better, get thrust in one's head better if he heard it from someone else. (Self-denial is a funny thing.)

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That said, allow me a moment to scold Joseph. I won't go into details, but he deserves it, really, for being a lazy, uninspired student who wastes time on Facebook and Blogger and Gmail when he should be studying for his Financial Math test tomorrow; for being a lousy friend to those who seem to value him; for being stubborn and insistent when really, it may be time to accept things he can't quite change; for being an evil nasty snob, who whines when other people give him the same treatment; for losing his work ethic, his drive, at this point in the academic game: with 40 days and nights left before the end of almost two-decades-long academic stint. Whatever happened to jobhunting, Jose? You can't count on only the Deep Blue Sea you know. Sure Deep Blue Sea might be it, but Plan B eh? Yes yes you're bogged down by your test and presentation tomorrow, and that other part-time job and projects and your HYP final draft yada yada, but just shut up, and reevaluate the priorities of the moment.

OK, now that you've wasted enough time blogging, go mug for your test tomorrow, and kick ass. You haven't been kicking much ass for a while now, it's about time.

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I still think it's weird that I only blog when I'm busy and in need of an outlet to whine to. Maybe I should clarify that I only complete a blog entry when I'm busy. The drafts will just have to wait a while before they get posted up. Maybe in a week's time?

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I was going through some John Mayer and Cynthia Alexander music lately, and I hope to find a moment, where I can just embed myself in their songs. I think it was Muriel who said in her blog (To Moooriel: Hey hello sa'yo! Stay happy k! I'm still stalking you.) that she finds Corrinne Bailey Rae's Put Your Records On the perfect song, when she's in the bus and looking out the window. Haha, I can totally imagine. I think it was Karen's feel-good song for a while too, though I think John Mayer's Wheel has been ringing in her head the past few weeks.

Now my John Mayer song of the moment is actually Clarity, and he said that it was really about finding this one moment, one moment of having not a care in the world, just enjoying that point in space and time, one moment of being free. But that moment is precious too, and he sings, By the time I recognize this moment/ this moment will be gone/ but I will bend the light / pretend that it somehow lingered on. Hope we all find that moment too, many of it if possible.

The other JM song is Split Screen Sadness, and although I'm not sure I correctly figured out what the title explicitly means in the song, especially the "split screen" part, let's just say it's a powerful heartfelt song well done -- not cheesy, not too emo I think. Maybe it's my bias for violins. Haha. Listen to it here.

The Cynthia Alexander songs I'll discuss another day; they deserve a separate entry.:)

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OK dinner time then it's Financial Maths all the way. Wooohoo. Help me Lord, kay gikapuy na ko.:)