Before I vanish

Before I vanish

My friend from China and birthdaymate Sens (hail the 8th-of-February babies!) once again reminded me the other day that I've been getting thinner and thinner every time we saw each other. For a while I thought she was exaggerating, but now I realize I may have been looking at this full-size mirror in my room a little too much to be able to tell the difference. Can't blame me, too. It's directly to my left when I'm working with my laptop, or when I'm studying on the table, so when I get bored and tired and decide to look around, I can't help but look at myself adoringly. (You also, Korinna, right? Haha!)

We were studying at the Med Library this afternoon, and Michael took this photo using Ferron's Ericsson phone.




Scary photo. I'm so skinny already!
Sens told me that if I continue to grow skinnier, in time, I just might vanish. Haha.

I swear, after these exams, I'm gonna get me lots of sleep, and I'm gonna stuff myself like crazy.


P.S.
I suddenly miss my digicam! :( I've been wanting to go to the Konica shop to have it fixed, but I'm just too busy. Sigh. I'll have it fixed soon, and I promise to post more photos. In time for the NUS Choir caroling sessions, too. ;)

Thanks Ferron for sending me the photo!

Hoping for the sun but it looks like rain

Hoping for the sun but it looks like rain

Oh yeah, as promised in a previous post. Another of my don't-breakdown-yet songs. More of the rap excerpt actually, since I've bleeped out all of Mariah's singing part. Hehe. One of my all-time favorite songs (Mariah included). This one's the extended remix, more relevant to my situation, too.

__________

Breakdown (The Mo' Thugs Remix)
Mariah Carey + Bone Thugs N Harmony

(Layzie Bone)
Don't break down yet it's over, over (3x)
Don't break down yet it's over
(Krayzie Bone)
Break, breakdown. Steady breaking me on down (2x)

[Mariah: Verse 1] ...
[Mariah: Chorus] ...
[Mariah: Verse 2] ...

[Wish Bone]
Gonna break you down, down, down, only if you let it
(Don't let it)
Everyday crazy situations rocking my mind, trying to break me down
But I won't let it forget it
If you feel the same way that I do
Then let me hear y'all all sing too
Sing, it's al-right, it's alright, it's alright yeah
Hoping for the sun, but it looks like rain
B-O-N-E, but it's still the same
Came this far, but it's been a long road
Troubles gonna come but we gotta stay strong, hold on, on

[Krayzie Bone]
Aw, yeah, I often feel the pressures, y'all
But nevertheless Krayzie won't fall
It's over, it's ending here, here
I said it's over. It's ending here, here
So I'll be on my way
And maybe we can meet up in the future one day
But for now I'm bailing, bailing
Bailing! baby gotta get up, can't take no more I'm headed for the door
Come and take a look into this humble eye
Tell me if we lived a lie
Would our souls unite

[Layzie Bone]
Every new day is a test for me
So I just pray to the Lord for him to bless me, please
There's struggles I'm going through lately
Breaks me down, set me free
Let me be, let me be
Who else do we have to rely on
Whose shoulder can a thug go cry on
Came to get my vibe on
While you look into my eyes
Won't underestimate this soldier story
I'ma tell you right now I'ma stand up
Wrong if I let my lead bust
Pac said keep your head up
Don't let this world get the best of you
All my struggles, I'm through
If it's over, over, over
Don't breakdown yet it's over

[Mariah: Chorus]...
(Break break down)
(Steady breaking me on down)
__________


For those who didn't already know, Bone Thugs rap is like speaking very clearly at a speed of 10words/second. :) Not sure what happened to them though. I thought they split, and then they had this "Resurrection" album, and then I don't know what next.

What's next for me, though, is a duel with Java. I am so exhausted, really, but must hang on. Must hang on. ;P


P.S What's wrong with the tagboard? Hmm.. Tag-board.com better fix it up quick. Please?

And a good time to breakdown is..

And a good time to breakdown is..

..right. about. now.

Hehe. Really, because of the exams looming in the very very near future, everyone in Kent Ridge Hall has turned nocturnal. The dining hall, which is just some twenty steps away from my room, is packed with eyebag-ridden muggers, even right now, at half past 2am. Talk about stress, people. I've been doing my all-nighters the past few days, where I sleep at around 5-6am (sorry Ma, if you're reading this.. hehe), and right before I retire for the night (or morning) after a quick wash-up, I take a peek at the dining hall and lo and behold, the crazy bunch (who apparently took the term "all-nighter" more seriously than I did) would still be there, quietly ruffling through their lecture notes, or staring at their laptops, typing away.

I'm glad though, that I'm finally done with my revision for Linear Algebra. I realized that Dr Roger Poh is indeed a not-too-good (read:bad) lecturer since I picked up more substantial stuff from reading my reference books, but I give him credit for making quite impressive solutions to our tutorials (or maybe I haven't been studying too well?). I've filled about 7/8 of my help sheet (more popularly known among students as "cheat sheet"), which is basically an allowable A4-size paper with handwritten notes, so I'm more or less done with a "rough" revision.

Thanks to Mr Pringles for keeping me company, Howard Anton (Contemporary Linear Algebra, 2003) for being my new best friend, and Nescafe Frothe for keeping me high. God I finished a whole can of Pizzalicious Pringles in two days on my own. About time too, anyway, since my knuckles were turning sore from letting my big hands dig into the tall can.

But of course, things don't stop here. Do you think I'd allow the crazy muggers out there to NOT influence me to study? Hah. You should see the libraries in NUS too, on regular schooldays around this time (today (yesterday) was a holiday, btw, so Happy Hariraya to all Muslims), and you'll see the biggest library mob in your whole life. The effect, perhaps, of the meritocratic education system in Singapore (that I learned in my non-examinable SS module ;)).

So it's Programming from now till Thursday, then I'll brush up my Linear Algebra for Friday's exam. Then it's the open-book final exam for Programming on Saturday.

And now for another all-nighter with my Java notes! Yeeeeey.

Sing when you're winning

Sing when you're winning

Nope, my revision for my coming exams aren't over yet (and it's still a long way ahead too), but I've grown less bitter now. Why I was even bitter in the first place can be blamed on the external factors that have conspired against me, like the totally unpredictable weather (oh yes I got soaked once again when I went to mass just now) that's making me feel so lethargic, this trio of NUS-VPN Client, Norton Internet Security, and Windows XP Service Pack 2 that's been screwing up my internet connection, and several little things here and there that've been hindering me from mugging.

My change of disposition can only be attributed to MUSIC. I've had a healthy dose of music videos last night, thanks to Kiko's link to AOL Music (argh I miss MTV.. no cable in Kent Ridge hall). Anyway, Maroon 5's Harder to Breathe Live performance with surprise surprise, Rob Thomas was way cool. In fact, I suddenly realized that Harder to Breathe could very well be a Matchbox20 song.. Anyway, I finally saw videos that everybody seems to have watched already. Props to Eminem for making the ultra-catchy Just Lose It (although I don't like Mosh), to Usher and his string of cool videos (hah I watched Confessions only now), and Destiny's Child for making a hot comeback as a group. Those girls can dance, all right, and you'll literally be given a double treat in Lose my Breath. Alicia Keys.. what can I say. She's very pretty, don't you think? I like her better in My Boo than in Karma though. I spent some time going through the live sessions too, of Maroon 5 and Jason Mraz.

It was therapeutic, I tell you, listening to music. I turned off my Windows Media Player (with my 2000+ mp3s) for a while so I could study, and I found myself singing aloud in the wee hours of the morning as I was mugging. Haha. Good thing my Singaporean neighbors are home for the weekend, so I even had a singing-in-the-shower session. Haha. Good practice for the NUS Choir caroling sessions in December. ;)

Anyway, I'm feeling giddy and recharged today. Must be the homily too, by Fr Ignatius Yeo. I realized that there is a difference between endurance and putting up with something. For a while there I felt the homily was for me, as now I know I should endure my intense student chores, and not put up with them.

Hmm.. I'm in a rapping mood right now. Haha, believe it or not, I was into Bone Thugs some years back. One of the few perks of being able to speak at lightning speed is that you can manage to do some Bone Thugs stuff. I'll post the lyrics of my favorite Bone Thugs rap next entry.

Happy mugging, Joseph.

Distraction #99

Distraction #99

But it's a good one, I tell you.

Remember my Singapore Studies essay? (Well how couldn't you, when I've been blabbering about it in many posts :P) Yep, it's that research essay on Corridor, a short story collection by Alfian Sa'at. And yessss, it's the one I painstakingly worked on till the wee hours of the morning for several nights, and about which I emailed my tutor because of sudden roadblocks that conveniently popped up one day before the deadline (word length, the issue of whether it should discuss the author's viewpoints or mine).

I finally submitted my essay this rainy afternoon (and yes I got soaking wet once again), after letting Karen, Ferron, and Michael read it, so I could get an idea of how I'll fare. Karen pointed out some flaws in my assumptions (which I tried to correct later on), Ferron gave thorough critique of my presentation, and Michael gave it an 8.5/10, which is good enough for me. I myself am unsure about the essay: it's 200 words over the Suggested Length of 2500, and although I am still clinging on to the belief that I should present the author's perspectives more than my opinion because the instruction says so ("how the text represents Singapore"), I am still unsure about the whole thing.

So imagine my surprise when I received this email:
_________

From : Alfian Bin Sa'at
Sent : Friday, November 12, 2004 5:06:32 PM
To : joseph soroñgon
Subject : Re: thanks again!

Dear Joseph,
I got your message that you left on my diaryland guestbook. I was wondering if I
could trouble you with sending me that essay you're writing on 'Corridor'? It would
such a pleasure and honour to read.

Alfian. : )

=====
If you care too much about Singapore,
First it'll break your spirit
And then it'll break your heart.
__________


This freaked me out a bit. See, I signed Alfian's guestbook in his diaryland journal (which contains very interesting and insightful material too), and although I did say that I was writing a paper on his short story collection, Corridor, I didn't hope or expect him to ask me to send it. Hehe, just want to clarify that I wasn't doing any fishing of sorts. I signed his guestbook, more as a form of relief that the bloody essay was nearing its completion, and a sign of gratitude for "helping" me make the essay. I mean, no Alfian -> no Corridor -> no essay, right?

Now, all I can think of is, "I'm not worthy!!" God I am such a sucker for successful writers. I am envious, as a matter of fact. And although some signs here and there would tell you that I may just be underestimating myself (my writing awards and credits I am sincerely thankful for and mighty proud of, don't get me wrong), I still am awed by these writers of top calibre. I mean, they're on a totally different plane! But then again, I'm only 18, soo.. it only gets better. Hehe.

Still, I'm a bit anxious about sending Alfian a copy of my essay. It's like playing an original guitar composition to Jason Mraz, or giving Usher a sample of one's own dance moves. Imagine that! Or, dealing with something closer to home, how about letting Jessica Zafra read your English assignment? You get the drift. I'm still sending it, though, and I hope he won't be too disappointed. Thank you Alfian, though, for emailing one of your fans. ;)

Oh, btw, if you don't know who the great Alfian Sa'at is, click on this link to access one of my earlier posts.


Hmm.. I think I've spent too much time blogging now, and this is yet another distraction to my study time! Argh, and to think the cold rain has lulled me to sleep all afternoon. Hmph. Linear algebra awaits.

Running

Running

Sigh. I'm tired. Been doing this 2500-word final assignment for my Singapore Studies. Yes, that's the module I gave a tribute to in the last post. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying writing this paper, but I wish there wasn't any deadline! And this online Factiva database, which I access for research material (mainly journals and newpapers), is too large, yet skimpy on the good substantial ones. Too late for me to complain actually, since I've secured all my research, and now I'm just organizing the whole thing into a coherent, smart-sounding piece of text within (or just around) the suggested word length. And oh yeah, my paper is an analysis of poet-cum-playwright Alfian Sa'at's Corridor, a short story collection, and how it represents Singapore. (Trust me, what he says you'll never find in any Singapore travel brochure =P)

Then it's the exams for me. Two major ones next week.
Programming Methodology (Java!) and Linear Algebra.

Here's one of my hang-on-in-there songs. Works just fine.

___________

Running
by No Doubt

Run/ Running all the time/ Running to the future/ With you right by my side

Me/ I'm the one you chose/ Out of all the people/ You wanted me the most/
I'm so sorry that I'm falling/ Help me up let's keep on running/
Don't let me fall out of love

Running, running/ As fast as we can/ Do you think we'll make it?/ (Do you think we'll make it?)/
We're running/ Keep holding my hand/ It's so we don't get separated

Be/ Be the one I need/ Be the one I trust most/ Don't stop inspiring me/
Sometimes it's hard to keep on running/ We work so much to keep it going/
Don't make me want to give up

___


Now I gotta run and do some mugging, because I'm running out of time, too.

SSA1206: Representing Singapore

SSA1206: Representing Singapore

My Singapore Studies module formally ended this afternoon. We had our second quiz, about film and TV, where I struggled to scribble everything I knew about the short video clips from the blockbuster hit I Not Stupid and the popular "national sitcom" Phua Chu Kang Pte Ltd.

I was surprised too, when Dr Holden clarified that there will be no more tutorials this week, when my tutor, Ms Wang, specifically told me last week that we would have one last one. Apparently, this last session was the end of it all, and Dr Holden gave a wrap-up of the module, and distributed some feedback forms.

I've always maintained that my SS module is my most enjoyable module this sem, and I am quite sad that it ends today. I've always kidded around, saying that I'm working harder on my SS, which is basically just a supplementary module, than my core modules for my major, Statistics! Haha. But really, I feel this SS would pull my grade average up, since I am not exactly excelling in my core modules. ;)

Anyway, I don't seem to find closure just yet, maybe because it's not over over, as the 2500-word final assignment is still due on Friday, but I just want to blog it in, that I had fun taking the module, and I am grateful for the exposure to different popular media in Singapore (novel, poetry, play, film, tv) and the insights I gained about Singapore as a whole.

BTW, this SS module is a new one, offered for the first time this semester, and I hope they keep it in the succeeding sems. I believe that "fun" modules should complement the more intense, technical, analytical ones, to keep us all happily sane.

Maybe I'll minor in English Studies or Sociology? Now that's a thought.

Swamped Series 2

Swamped Series 2

You know you're swamped when you have so many things to do, when you can't even remember all of them and you have to write them up on your ever-reliable whiteboard, when you don't which freaking one to start working on first, and when, as a result of all this madness, you just decide to do something totally unrelated -- blog.

Or watch movies. Or download and rush through the last episodes of the first season of the OC since the new season premiere is just around the corner (or is it over yet in the US?).

Argh. I need focus.

Anyway, I had an interesting day in Chinatown by my lonesome this afternoon. It was quite refreshing to get out of the hall, out of NUS for a while (and not just in nearby Clementi too, where I go weekly to Church and grocery).

I brought my choir suit to the tailor for repair (the 2nd-hand suit's sleeves were two inches short), and had my measurements taken for the pants. It was surprisingly quick, so I strolled around People's Park Centre, and went to OG for a look at the shirts and bags and shoes. I realized that it's either I'm broke or everything in Singapore is just too pricey.

Well I am running broke, which is the awful truth (what with my two week extension in hall for the choir's events (S$120), plus the food and travel expenses I'm sure to incur in that two weeks(S$x), and the cost of my suit (S$y)), and OF COURSE everything in the richest country in Southeast Asia (where did I read that? ahhh my SS readings) is bound to be expensive.

Sigh. I want to splurge when I'm swamped and stressed. Turns out I must hold on to dear Yusof bin Ishak notes so I can still survive until December 20.

Hmm.. lotsa readings for my SS to do, and my Java program awaits its construction.
Konting tiis na lang, Jose.

Weird

Weird

Let it be put on record that whatever I wrote in the last two posts were funny funny stuff that emerges only when things get a little weird. Half-meant stuff that just pop up like unwanted zits.

May it be known that I am no longer bitter, and, even if I got drenched in the rain awhile ago (my shoes were fully soaked actually, and I had to bear with them for a good two hours for this Kent Ridge Walk for my Bio assignment), my nose still clogged, and my voice, its pitch lowered drastically, still seems to come from faraway speakers, and my papers and assignments and my Java program and my Friday tutorials still undone, I am fine.

More fine actually, than I expected. Weird. That good sort of weird though, and I hope things will remain just. like. this.

Breathe in, breathe out

Breathe in, breathe out. In. Out. In again. Out.

Things are snowballing. Great, just the perfect time.

*blogworthy material cannot be displayed*

I should keep a private journal for my chronicle my uberpersonal life and to contain my privatest privatest thoughts. (That doesn't mean though that this blog isn't personal and revealing, as my constant readers would know) I'm not even sure if it should be the online sort of journal, as some people are too Google-savvy, which isn't a bad thing, too.

It's just that I'm running a little short of my ME time and space.

Not the time

Now is not the time.

Great. What a time to screw up things when I should be focusing on doing the more pertinent, urgent stuff.

Someone play me 3AM by Matchbox Twenty. Good night.

Rainy days

Rainy days

I've been through hell the past few days, and for the next few days and weeks, hell it will still be.

I'm quite sick right now, with this flu that I caught last Sunday. Yesterday it was horrible, my brain cells, each of the billions of them, kept pounding at my skull, wanting my head to burst. I couldn't sleep on Sunday night, as my throat seemed to be harboring fuzzy creatures itching for attention, I froze in my Monday SS lecture, and I was virtually mutilating my hanky in my trip to Robinson Road that rainy afternoon.

I went to Robinson Road (I couldn't find MTV though), into the Silkair office at the 25th floor of the SIA Building. I have this round trip 6-month ticket, see, which I bought in Davao. I was pretty confident I wouldn't run out of seats, since I thought the peak days were in late November and early December, but as it turned out, there are no more flights on my desired date, December 20! The next flight would be on January 1 still! Great.

I hope someone on the December 20 or 21 flight backs out so I could go home! It's kind of suspenseful to be in the waiting list, and I'm not quite enjoying it. And the December 18 and 19 caroling sessions of the Choir at the Esplanade Concourse better be worth my extended stay. ;)

What else, what else. Oh yeah, deadlines looming up ahead. I have two Biology assignments, yet another crazy Java lab (the last one!), a Singapore Studies quiz, and the Singapore Studies Final Assignment (something like our exam) all due next week! And, the week after that, it will be exams galore! Wooohooo. No time to fool around and do idle stuff.

That's about it. I still have my deep sexy voice (I think I could be Bass 3 for choir now, if it even exists) as a result of my rainy day adventures, and as much as I would like to tease Karen with this newfound sound from my phlegm-infested lungs, I sure wish I get well soonest so I can study like a madman, like most everyone else.