Don't Look Back in Anger
Ahh it's a nice Sunday in Singapore, and especially because the NUS VPN connection is finally up! That means I can surf the internet again. Yesterday afternoon and last night it was down, and all i had access to was the IVLE (the Student Workspace essentially), and NUS sites (email excluded), and surprisingly Yahoo Messenger. And nothing else! I was almost tempted to clean my room (again) and study. Hehe.
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I must comment on my eventful Thursday night, as it was a confrontation session I've never had (with a Singaporean at least). The first time I was fuming mad, and in front of people I respect and work with (thank God it was just the few members of the EXCO.. although I think a few choir members who were slow to leave Function Room 5 caught my preliminary mini-outburst). I don't know how many from the Choir read this space (maybe I should remove the link to this blog in the choir forum), but in the end, although I still feel I had every reason to justify my outburst ("paroxysm" as my new fellow basso Joel tells me.. thanks btw), I eventually think I ended up being the "sorer" one. I think I just blew away what dignity I had, by appearing like a whiney and reactive and insecure and unprofessional troublemaker. At least that's what I think, although my friends tell me it's okay, it happens, and people still love me just the way I am, and all. Thanks, you all. But yeah, it's a blow to the ego. Self-propelled ego-buster.
I am still disturbed. Because, as far as I was concerned, it was an isolated incident that launched me into this. But no, for this person tells me I have always been working counter to her. What?! Now where did that come from? No justification to support the claim too. I can hardly feel my own self getting a real say in the EXCO stuff, and now this? As far as I'm concerned, I can be substituted for a photocopier, and perhaps a messenger with an IQ of 80.
Last thing: mean what you say. Don't apologize if you don't mean it. An apology that comes only because it seems like the natural and expected thing to do is worthless. And if you aren't open to being at least a notch higher than civil the next occasion we meet, forget it.
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Thanks for all the concern everybody. My dad says anger clouds judgment, and yeah that's true. I'll also try to be less reactive next time. But just don't send me inflammatory SMSes that hit below the belt. SMS miscommunication may have been a factor, yes, partly, but since you brought up that bit about me "always being" against you, now I can see this goes much deeper than it seems.
Okay, I'm letting this issue drop. Don't look back in anger, goes the Oasis song. It's just people, and this happens when work has to be done and there are too many supposedly "in-charge".
Be who you are and say what you feel; those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Thanks, Dr Seuss.
